~dark & twisty~

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I haven't been blogging lately because I really don't have anything good to say. I figure those who read this MUST be sick of my complaining and negativity by now.

I've been having a (very) rough last 10 days or so, lots of stress coupled with lots of crying.

I often wonder how bad things have to get before they'll get better.

My aunt & cousin came in from TX for Thanksgiving. This is the 1st time we are seeing each other since the big falling out last July. Things seem to be fine and I am glad about that. I was stressin' about it.

Still no progress on my lawsuit. In fact, he was supposed to call me last week but blew me off instead. I called his office this Monday and basically let his secretary know that I'm getting very stressed out and quite unhappy and why has he told me 3x that he's filing my case (that day) when it really hasn't been filed @ all. She called me back later Monday and said he wants me to come into the office for a meeting....WTH? Can't this be done over the phone? She said that she is 99.9% positive it is good news....how can there be any good news when nothing has been done. I'm sure he's not going to hand over a check for my lost wages, embarassment, humiliation, lost benefits, etc. Needless to say, I'm losing a bit of sleep over this meeting. It is scheduled for Tuesday 12/2 @ 10:30am. He better not tell me he's dropping my case, or I may have to drop kick him.

OK - I'm really, really, really, really depressed about the holidays. I could care less about them and I hate that I feel that way when it will be Ethan's first Christmas. I'm also quite upset about the fact that I cannot go out and ENJOY doing Christmas shopping. It feels like a burden really.

It drives me nuts that O counts his chickens before they hatch. Absolutely NUTS! He is counting on a healthy Christmas bonus from his company this year. Last year he rec'd $500. He is thinking it will be WAY more than that. I am getting tired of reminding him that everytime he has thought this company would reward him financially, they have let him down, i.e. a whopping .50 (annual) raise!! So we'll see what happens, but I'm not counting the chickens right now....I'll wait 'til they hatch.

Speaking of O's company...we have the company Christmas dinner on Friday 12/5. It was totally lame last year...only iced tea and water served with dinner! Blech. Geez, give me a diet soda at least would ya'?!?! Anyway, we don't have to pay anything for the dinner, but the employees have to give $26 to contribute for a gift for the owner, who by the way, just happens to be a MILLIONAIRE...WTH? So basically, it's a $13/plate Christmas dinner. You can probably guess that I really don't want to go.

And to cap off my oh-so-wonderful life...I worked a whopping 4 hrs on Monday. That will get me a whole $36. Whoa. I used to make that in 1 hour! Now, wouldn't YOU be depressed too?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!

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I swiped this from Katrina's blog...the idea is to simply bold the items you have done -easy enough for a Friday. I had to make mine Orange because the BOLD wasn't really showing up.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (one of my kid's toys)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

~My Destiny: Poverty~

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~So there are a TON of shifts available this week @ Talbots and I have no one to watch E.

~Mom is too "busy" with her husband. This really hurt my feelings as she knows that we are broke. I can't afford to pay a sitter since the pay is crap, so she's really my only option.

~Today they opened it up to any 4 hr block of your choice. Figures it's one of the nights that O has class after work and won't be home 'til 730pm. Otherwise I could have worked 5-9pm and still been home to put E to bed. They don't usually offer a 5-9 shift either, so that would have been perfect.

~I've been really depressed this week watching my savings account trickle down and down. Not being able to work a little just adds to feeling crappy.

~just stuff~

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~So today I met with the Dept Head @ the university to discuss returning to finish my Masters degree. I have 27 of 60 credits completed, so almost 1/2 way. It really would be ashame to not finish and waste the time & money I've spent so far. If you don't finish in 6 years, you lost everything you've done. I have 'til Summer 2011 to finish.

~I'm pretty sure I'm going to go and finish. It just doesn't make sense not to do it. I guess my only hesitation is that I will have to take out more loans and I really, really, really, didn't want to do that, but there are no other options. I will look for a Graduate Assistantship, but they are hard to come by. If I got one, tuition would be free. Then there is always the issue of childcare. I'm hoping my mom will step it up for me as she's been pressuring me to finish, so hopefully she's willing to watch E more than usual. I guess we'll see.

~The best part of it all is upon completion, I will for the first time ever in my life have true job security. There are always people in need of Mental Health services whereas companies don't always need Recruiters.

~The way the Prof mapped it out, I would finish in Spring or Summer of 2011, depending on how many hours I put into the Intership each semester. I have about 6-7 classes left to do and then the Practicum, which is 100 hours, and then the Internship, which is 900 hours (basically a FT job for 2 semesters). I guess my 40th birthday present to myself will be completing this degree.

~Then to add to the excitement of finishing this degree. During my last semester I would have to take "Comps" (a huge essay test over everything you learned in the program) as well as the NCE test (Nat'l Counselor Exam), which is required and is the 1st step towards becoming licensed. Why am I stressed out about these already? I worried about them when I was taking classes previously too.

~The fun doesn't end there...after I've graduated and am in the workplace, there are 2 more tests to take before being able to be Licensed....oh yeah and I forgot to mention the 3,000 work hours I need to obtain as the last step to finally becoming licensed. That 3,000 hours usually takes 3 years...so it looks like by 2014, I'll be an official Licensed Professional Counselor. Dang, that's a long way away.

~That's the plan for now.

~On the legal front, I spoke with the lawyer today...he actually exists...LOL. I guess the complaint will be filed this week and he actually said that if the company wants to settle vs. going to trial, that he thinks we could be done by Christmas. I'm not going to expect that because he's made a lot of timeline comments that have proved false again and again. It'll either be a really nice Christmas or a really crappy one...it all depends on how fast my lawyer moves.

~9 months and grumpy!~

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These are posted in the order in which they were taken, so you can see we 'gradually' got better, but then @ the end he was like "Mom, can we PLEASE be done with this?!"

Even though I wanted 'better' pictures -these make me smile now and they will be great to share with his girlfriends when he gets older. LOL!!!

~9 months~

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~Whoa...9 months ago today I was about to be wheeled into the OR for a C-section. Seems like yesterday.

~I was grossly unsuccessful at getting some 'good' pictures of E in his 9 month onesie. I will post later, but it was quite a struggle. This mobile thing is quite the challenge. LOL!

~I've decided that he is the most INCONSISTENT sleeper in the world. Just when I start thinking maybe he is taking longer naps or sleeping better@ night - he regresses to his old ways.
~Yesterday was a rough afternoon...he has 3 front teeth coming in @ the same time and his gums were bleeding on and off thru the afternoon. He was not a very happy camper.

~E quickly cheered up when his girlfriend, Mirra brought her parents over for dinner. They played 'til 9pm and he was one tired dude. No book and out in 10 minutes.

~Dad is coming over today for a visit. O is working. We'll go grocery shopping later. That is our Saturday.

~regularly scheduled programming~

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~We are back to our regularly scheduled blogging, for those who are still reading. Maybe I pissed everyone off, who knows...

~Anyway, nothing much new with us here anyway....I remain jobless, at home with E, going to play group and Mother Goose.

~I actually had a phone interview/screen for a Recruiter position a few wks back. The 'lovely' recruiter I interviewed with said I would have a phone interview later that week with the hiring managers and asked of my availability. I never heard from him to schedule it and when I contacted him, he replied via email saying they were still reviewing resumes. Turns out the job has now been filled. I was slightly annoyed that he firmly TOLD me that I'd have another interview, when in fact that was not the case.

~Ethan turns 9 months old on Saturday. Whoa -time flies. We have his 9 month doctor visit on Monday...no shots...yay!!

~We have our 9 month photo session on 11/19 @ 6pm so we can include a family picture. I wanted the picture taken outside but it will be too dark by then and my lovely photographer wouldn't accomodate us on another day so we could have a nice outdoor shot. You would think after the truckload of money I've given to her (wedding & baby pics) she would find time to squeeze us in for a daytime picture, but no! How nice.

~My new favorite past time activity is going to various stores to get price adjustments on things I've bought for Ethan...it's not really that fun, but it seems like everything I've bought him recently has gone on sale days later so I've had to return to the store to get my money back. We are going back to GapKids today for that very reason. :-)

~Talbots is having another sale/promotion this month so I'm signed up to work a whole 3 days this month, starting this Sunday. Hopefully it won't get cancelled.

~My dad has a timeshare and traded this year for Gatlinburg - nice and close so Ethan and I will head up there with him on the 16th and come back on the 19th for our pictures. Oscar has knee surgery on the 20th and then all 3 of us will go back up there until the 23rd. It should be nice to get away and relax.

~That's about all here...have a lovely day!

~dreadful~

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Well, last night was a complete nightmare...I usually don't get too 'into' elections, but this one got me interested a couple months out. I guess I'm missing something because I DO NOT see AT ALL what is so wonderful about Obama, in fact, I cannot stand to look @ him. I even went to bed before it was over because I didn't want to see people dancing on tables etc. Great history making!

Crap, this debacle has robbed me of sleep as I'm up @ the crazy hour of 5am...hopefully the shock will wear off and I'll be able to sleep once again...

First of all, the words "Democrat" and "taxcuts" don't come in the same sentence. Look @ political history-Democrats NEVER give taxcuts, they raise taxes - how do you think they pay for all those people to be on welfare?

Any American who works hard needs to understand that Obama wants to take your money, and give it to the non-productive part of society. You can’t give tax breaks to people who don’t pay taxes in the first place. It’s called welfare.

Also, since when did middle class America become those making between $100,000 to $250,000...or whatever number they've decided to make it today. That's a lot of money if you ask me and that's a lot MORE than what the 'middle class' makes. It means I'm living in SHEER POVERTY!!!

Read the book "The Appeal" by John Grisham...it will explain clearly how an election can be bought, just like this one has.

Speaking of buying an election, take a look @ this. Yep, nothing like complete disregard for online security, in a time when identity theft is rampant. The Obama Campaign turned off certain security features on their online contribution page, which basically enables anyone in the world with a Visa/Mastercard to make donations in almost any amounts. So, yes, my friends, his campaign was largely funded by foreign contries, including those who you would likely consider our enemies. Lovely!

Still don't think he's a Muslim? He was registered as such during his school years. Did everyone forget 9/11? Apparently so.

Oh, and I MUST have missed where Obama said he was giving free scrapbooking supplies to all who voted for him, because it seems that every scrapbooking blog I read is supporting Obama...blech!

And for those people who say "our country has come a long way since the Civil Rights act" - no it hasn't...this election was bought and there are people (corrupt) behind Obama who made sure he would win. It has NOTHING to do with civil rights advancement.

Thanks his biggest supporters-the media, of course!

Another media-puking example. Nice try, Diane Sawyer! Completely irrelevant!

It's a sad day when a completely INEXPERIENCED person wins the White House and a man who has served his country and government for countless years, including the horrific experience of being a POW is left behind. Sad, very sad. The feminist in me is also saddened.

This is all I'll say about this. It is my opinion, we all have them. It has little worth to others I'm sure, but I don't care. The election won't come up again on my blog and hopefully the next 4 years go by really fast!

OK - I'm getting down off my soapbox. I would say the damage is done, but I'm afraid it's just begun.