a little bitter...or pissed off.

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I'm turning 40 in a few weeks.

I'm not happy about it...primarily because I am unsatisfied with "where" I am in life right now.

I feel terribly UNsuccessful...and it makes me miserable.

I also would have liked something "big" or "special" for this birthday...it *is* sorta milestone-ish...

Things I mentioned wanting:

 *Mac Desktop (fat chance!)

 *2 night stay at Hotel Margaritaville in Pensacola

 *Screened in patio (O actually said he was aiming for this one...but NOTHING has been done towards it)

What will actually take place on 8.23.11:

 *Work from 7:30-3:45pm

 *4pm home and then nothing...or maybe dinner out somewhere...you know, the same stupid boring thing we do every year.  I'm NOT happy about it. I'd rather just stay home. Heck...O will likely be out of town anyway.

What really irks me most is that he has made NO effort to even try to reach ANY of these things or to even make the day REMOTELY special or unique for me. He never does. Stupid of me to think he would have this year, right? He likes to say we can't afford it...like the Margaritaville trip...but he did just fork over the same amount of cash to fly his 15yo daughter here for a week. I get that he wants to see her, but these are both things he's known about for a LONG time and yet does no planning for.

As for surprises...yeah, that's so NOT gonna happen...like the time when he bought me a softball bat for my birthday and then left the receipt IN my car...where I of course stumbled upon it PRIOR to my birthday. Yeah..thanks...nice try. It will be a true miracle if I even get a card...which honestly, I couldn't care less about at this point.

Don't get me wrong...I don't typically ask for much, really..it's very day-in, day-out around here, so I thought just once maybe we could do something fun and out of the ordinary. Apparently not.

It's really the lack of effort that is most upsetting...makes me feel unimportant and that I'm not worth it.