thought dumping

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I miss blogging...simple as that...here's the thing though, I am busier than I have ever been (and I really hate when people say "I'm so busy"...so sorry for that, but it's the truth)...but I also want to find the time to continue to blog. And then also keep it positive. That's probably the bigger challenge right now. Truth be told, there have been some dark clouds over me for the past few months. I'm hoping they move out, in one way or another. 

It's interesting, people supposedly come into our lives for a reason, and out for a reason too. Sometimes this is easy to see, other times not so much. Like I really don't see the reason for a particular person who I have ended up working with 1-2x a month only (thank goodness) as she is obscenely fake and I recently learned that she talks behind people's (mine) back. I just don't get the motive here...you know since I have nothing to do with her or her life. Leave me alone. This kind of stuff grates on me & I struggle to let it go...I feel like I want to tell her off, but that's never really been my style, though maybe I need to change it for situations such as this.

So Ali Edwards always posts and/or talks about "living the width of her life, not just the length"...this has been really getting to me lately. I feel like I am solely living the length and it's somewhat (ok, really a lot) depressing. I guess maybe I only live the width during the summer, when I have the time & means to make things happen. There are some things coming up that I would like to do/attend that would help me live the width, but I don't feel supported in them...or simply am NOT supported in them. So then they don't happen. See...struggling to stay positive. Sorry!

Knee surgeries...been on my mind a lot lately...still struggling to heal from 9.27 surgery. I can definitely see & feel a difference in my age w/this one...I know I didn't take this long to heal last time. I've managed to go to the YMCA and ride the bike 3-4x in past 3 weeks, you know since I only went to therapy 2x (fail!). Anyway, bike riding is just not the same as running and while I don't necessarily LOVE running, it burns WAY more calories and I've discovered that I'm already up 4lbs since the surgery. Boo!! Combine little exercise w/dark clouds and that's what happens. Bummer! Now to add fuel to that fire...the 9.27 surgery was only STEP ONE of TWO...in other words, I am supposed to have ANOTHER surgery to fully fix the problem. Hence...this being on my mind so much lately...this STEP TWO means SIX weeks on crutches and leaves me with the only opportunity of doing the procedure over Christmas break. While I am totally fine with doing it over the holiday, the six weeks on crutches worries me. It was REALLY hard to be on crutches for ONE week and be a single parent during the week. O would be home for the first couple weeks over the holidays but he would have to go back to work early January. I also feel like I really have no other choice but to do the procedure over break...the Summer would be worse as I'd be on crutches the entire time and O would only be home on weekends. I'd prefer to have to work 3 weeks on crutches than be on them all summer. And to top it all off...this surgery means NO RUNNING for 9-12 months!!! Oh goodness, I may be the size of a whale after all is said and done. :(  On the bright side(see, positive!!)....I could set a goal to run the WDW Princess 1/2 Marathon in 2015....or maybe just the 10k.