~why life (really) sucks right now~

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I unhappily arrived at work Wednesday knowing I basically had to ask/beg for my job back and since it had only been 4 work days I thought that I would be fortunate enough to be able to stay...BOY WAS I WRONG. I called my mgr (located in Ohio) whom I rarely speak with, to let her know what happened with the job offer and apparently she is as old-fashioned as they come because she was unbelievably cold, heartless and just plain rude to me on the phone as she told me that she was in 'talks' with someone else but an offer has not been extended. When I asked her if she would still be extending an offer even though I now said I could say, she replied that she would be - how nice.

The staff here on-site that I work with all want me to stay, they like me and I do a good job for them...this 'remote' mgr in Ohio apparently doesn't give a sh*t about that, she is going to do what she wants. She told me to just 'sit tight' and that it would be 3-4 wks before someone would be hired here. I felt like telling her where to shove her 3-4 wks but I refrained. Yay me! I tell ya' what though...if she thinks I'm training ANYONE, she is sadly mistaken. I will walk out of this place, the door will NOT hit me in the a$$ and I will watch the bridge go up in flames. I.DO.NOT.CARE. I've had a few jobs where I have wanted to burn the bridge but have taken the (sometimes) wiser, professional route...but NOT THIS TIME. I have never been treated so poorly and I cannot believe this (evil) woman is PUNISHING me for pursuing an employment option that is ideal for me and my family at this point in my life. WTF? One would think a female mgr would understand that I want to be with my little guy - apparently not. Then again, I've always heard that female mgrs are worse to work for than male - I think I believe this.

Let me apologize now for having my own pity party...I'm back to feeling that the only good thing in my life right now is Ethan and I hardly see him, so that totally sucks. I get maybe 4 hrs/day with him before he falls asleep and then 1-2 ten minute rendevous middle-of-the-night feedings. Last night he only woke up once for which I would normally rejoice, however right now it makes me sad that I don't get to see him much. It's also hard to just come home and sit on the couch with him after work when I have bottles to wash & prepare for the next day, milk to take out of the freezer for the next day, dinner to make, go to the bathroom, etc...you get the point.

So since I will likely have NO job in the coming weeks I headed up to the hospital last night to do the job shadow. The manager didn't call me back during the day so I just took the initiative and went up there. I was there from 7-10pm and needed toothpicks to keep my eyes open having only slept 4 hrs the night before (thanks to job situation). The hospital job would be pretty crazy and definitely a learning experience, but it would allow me to be @ home during the day with E and ultimately, that is what I want. Even though we have a MUCH better child care arrangement for him right now it still distresses me that he spends more time with her than me. She is taking him to an arboretum today with a friend of hers and I can't help but feel jealous - I want to be the one to take him places etc. It just kills me.

Everything pretty much sucks right now.