Tuesday, January 25, 2011

is that all?

Lately I've been thinking that my life is "done"...there's nothing more to accomplish, that now that I am finished w/school & working full time as a school counselor, that is it and there is nothing more for me to do. All my days will be fairly similar.

I'm conflicted by these feelings because a huge part of me feels like I'm meant to do or be more...not sure what exactly, but I'm having a hard time accepting that "this is all" there is for me. Seriously!?! OK - all of this made more sense in my head...it's hard to actually type out.

For example, I am constantly thinking about how I can create my own business, I have has this feeling for years...preferably something crafty...and maybe that's unrealistic of me, but I feel surrounded by people who have done exactly that. Maybe it's just the feeling of "success" that I want because I certainly DO NOT have it right now. I want something ALL MY OWN, that I made/created/established and can feel PROUD of. I do not have that. And I want it. I realize it's up to ME to get there...but I constantly feel stuck or unable to get there. It's always out of reach. There seems to always be something preventing me from this.

I would love a business like this...amazing if you ask me...and I read somewhere that her business grew way faster than she ever expected...she has 5 (or more) people working for her now. I believe her set up is all at home too. She is a mom to a couple kids here at the school where I work. She makes some super cute things...I am pining for the personalized iPhone case...but the $55 alludes me. Anyway, should you happen to buy something from her, please let her know the "SHCS Counselor" sent you her way...I don't get any kickbacks, but I'm sure she'd like to know.

And there are the countless cute & creative shops on Etsy...which make me wish I had one...it's at least a great place to get started. This too, alludes me.

So that's where I am right now. Not a great place...but sort of where I've been for the past few (bazillion) years now. Sick of it. Yes. Wishing something would change. Yes!!


Megan said...

feeling stuck is never a good thing. start small and keep on keeping on and you'll get there.

~**Dawn**~ said...

Maybe this is just a "resting point" for you? Sure, those times are mundane & lackluster in many ways, but we need rest times after working hard. And you've certainly worked hard. Perhaps you need a static period to allow the path to clear itself & present the opportunity for a new adventure...?

Amy said...

I meant to comment but read this in google reader and didn't have time, and then kept forgetting!

I am totally with you. I'm like, "Uh, I got myself $100k in debt for a degree to work in a profession I hate?" I really, really want to write, but just lack the motivation to do so. Which is lame. But I feel like I am too old to get started on anything new, so will just get a semi-interesting state job when the girls start school and just be ho-hum about work forever. Which is just sad.