Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Have a great weekend!!
Friday, May 29, 2009
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
bad hair day!
2. How much cash do you have on you?
3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
4. Favorite planet?
Pluto, or wait is that the one that is no longer considered a planet? Well, if so, it's still a planet in my world because Pluto is my favorite Disney character. So there.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
"Something More" by Sugarland
7. What shirt are you wearing?
Well, right now it is Wednesday night and I am wearing a yellow tshirt which is my pajama top.
8. Do you label yourself?
Only with words like fat and miserable.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
Oh heck. I don't know. They are plain 'ol beige flip flops. Super comfy.
10. Bright or dark room?
Natural light is my friend.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I don't know her, but her answers were freakin' hilarious.
12. What does your watch look like?
which one? I'm a watch-addict.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
UT Alert C"B - not sure what the hell that is supposed to mean.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Texas maybe? I don't think we have any in TN.
16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
18. Last furry thing you touched?
milo or hula.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
not nearly enough.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
none. i cannot remember the last time I have had to develop film. i don't even own a camera that uses film.
21. Favorite age you have been
22. Your worst enemy?
probably myself @ times.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
Me and E
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"i know" - when my mom told me I always leave a can of pop (soda for you Southerners) half empty (or full for you optimists).
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
I'll take the million because then I can buy all the flights I want to.
26. Do you like someone?
I like my friends.
27. The last song you listened to?
"Love Who You Love" by Rascal Flatts...it's currently on my iPod 'favorites' playlist .
28. What time of day were you born?
29. What’s your favorite number?
30. Where did you live in 1987?
31. Are you jealous of anyone?
32. Is anyone jealous of you?
They shouldn't be, at least not right now.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In Arizona. Getting ready for work
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
depends on how badly I wanted said item in machine. in the least, I end up frustrated.
35. Do you consider yourself kind?
most of the time.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
on my hip, so no one would see it.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
let's try Italian this time.
38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Hell no. Because love doesn't last. Ever!
39. Are you touchy feely?
40. What’s your life motto?
poop on everything - at least right now. lol.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times.
42. What’s your favorite town/city?
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
a grande iced chai @ the SBUX in Kroger tonight. had to stop for a new toothbrush for E as his went MIA this morning.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
maybe a year ago. my friends in The Sticks, Mexico don't have computers or email!!
45. Can you change the oil on a car?
ha. that's funny. no.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
haven't heard a peep in a long while. i think he lives in CA.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
my wedding. a white wedding dress. because everyone else does.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
50. Have you been burned by love?
i'll let you guess on this one.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Today's blog inspiration comes from Travel & Dive Girl who got it from Renée's Blog. I loved the original questions and thought I'd swipe it too. Probably more information about me than you would EVER want to know.
What is your best friend's name?
Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?
I wouldn't say it's weird, but I have a small one on my neck.
Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
10th grade - not sure what he taught, but he doubled as our JV Softball Coach.
Have you ever made out in a movie theatre?
Yes, I'm afraid so.
What body part do you wash first?
My stomach, arms and then the rest of me.
Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?
Either that or cover the seat in 75 layers of toilet paper.
What's the strangest talent you have?
None. I am talentless.
Do you have an innie or an outie?
What's your favorite flavor of Pringles?
Plain are fine with me.
Have you ever been tied up?
Do you want to be?
No Thank You.
What's the last thing you got grounded for?
I rarely got grounded as a child, but maybe for mouthing off or something? I cannot recall, it's been WAY TOO long.
Do you parallel park or drive around the block?
Depends on how 'roomy' the parallel parking spot is and whether it's only one spot open. If there are two in a row open, then sure I'll pull right in, but generally I am not a fan of parallel parking. It wasn't even part of the instruction in my drivers ed class.
Have you ever had two dates in one night?
Now that's funny. No.
Which shoe do you put on first?
Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Yes I have. Two of them in fact. Yes, I was hit on. Interesting is all I have to say about that experience.
Girls...are 1,000,000,000 times smarter than guys.
Is there one thing all of you love interests have in common?
They were all men and so far they have all turned out to be assholes. every.single.last.one.of.them.
Did you French kiss before you were 16?
I think so. I was 15 when I met my first boyfriend.
Have you ever been cow tipping or snipe hunting?
Negative. Never would either. I love ALL animals...well, not reptiles.
Who is the last person you usually think about before you go fall asleep?
Ethan of course.
Have you ever had a poem or song written about you?
No. No one has ever been so fond of me to do such a silly thing.
If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash?
I would probably opt for the towel, but both options are rather gross.
Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
Not necessarily questionable. I knew what such items were for and I was not happy to have stumbled upon them.
What was your childhood nickname?
Ton-Ton...yes, because I was (am) a chunky gal and my best friend's brothers created this 'lovely' nickname for me. I was not happy about it either. Later I just became Max and that was based on my last name and stuck through high school and all sports activities.
When was the last time you played air guitar?
A bazillion years ago. And I think I'm the last person on earth who hasn't played Guitar Hero. And I don't care.
Have you peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?
Probably so, back in high school, although I really can't recall. Must not have been very eventful.
What's the weirdest thing you've done while driving?
Changed my clothes - many times.
Have you ever been on the computer for more than 5 hours straight?
Yes, just about everyday or at least the 3 days a week I am at my 'job'.
How do you eat your cookies?
Depends on what kind of cookie. Oreos are dunked in milk 'til soggy and then eaten in 1 or 2 bites. Chips Ahoy are eaten just like regular 'ol food - take a bite or two. Not so exciting. I prefer Oreos.
When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?
Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others?
How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
OK, don't laugh @ me, but probably only 2 drinks and that is because I typically do not drink because there really isn't anything out there that tastes that good to me. I think I'm lucky that way, because lately I would say my life has gotten to the point where I could be driven to drink.
Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?
Ew...no. But I have had to pull a rubber band out of my cat's butt before because she was stupid enough to eat it. It was NOT a pleasant experience.
Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?
How many times a day do you pick out a wedgie?
Thankfully almost never. I don't do thongs, but my undies aren't grannie pants either.
Do you have any strange phobias?
I cannot stand stepping on a tile floor with wet feet, particularly in a locker room or shower/bathroom that is not my own.
Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Now, please tell me why I would even want to do this.
What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar?
Drank too much.
Have you ever been dared to do something that you totally regretted?
Drank excessive amounts of Tequila. Oh boy did I pay for that the next day. Note: this is why I no longer drink. My drinking days were over LONG ago.
Have you caught a guy/girl farting on a date?
Have you ever played naked Twister?
No and I don't intend to. I would frighten the other players.
Have you ever been drunk at work?
Unfortunately not. It would probably make the day go quicker though.
Do you want to bring sexy back?
Sure. Why not?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
-Sex & The City
For the record: I'd like to be young again and in pursuit of fun.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Also, Thank you to Living & Loving in Tampa for the same award, but with the Lemonade logo.
Fidgeting Gidget bestowed this award on me a couple of weeks ago and because I am certain that there are not 7 more awesome things about me, I am going to direct you to my original post of 7 things.
~I'm determined to finish my book tonight "Seeing Me Naked" it's a super cute, realistic, chick-lit story. (i hope by posting the name of the book I don't get all kinds of weirdos visiting my blog) I'm also excited to move on to a new book, with a slightly deeper story.
~As I was reading last night, I came across this line in the book "I wish I could get Superman to run around the earth enough times to take me back in time so I could take it back." I cannot tell you HOW MANY TIMES I have made this same statement in my life...not just recently, although maybe more often recently. I always remember that part of the Superman movie too- you know, where he's flying around the earth to avoid Lois' car from going in the crevice formed by the earthquake & ultimately killing her. How cool would it be if there really was a Superman or at least the possibility of time going backwards...even for a moment.
~I think I'm really going to have to sink myself into the stack 'o books on my nightstand in an effort to escape the reality that is my crap-tastic life right now.
~I'm so excited to have found REALLY YUMMY Iced Chai @ the local little coffee shop here on campus. SBUX - you can keep your $4.00 Chais!
~I also had a delicious little hummus pita sandwich from the same coffee shop. Yum!
~I fell off the diet-wagon terribly this past weekend. It was a combination of depression, not caring and being @ my step-sisters house, where no one watches what they eat.
~I received an invitation to write for a website (which shall remain nameless for now). I find this bizarre as I don't consider myself a particularly good writer and I typically only write about day-to-day stuff (aka: my crap-tastic life)...no deep thought topics here really. I'm going to let that request simmer for a while. Not sure what to make of it.
~I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer lately. It's been a rough few weeks and my life has hit an all-time low, I just hope the pendulum starts to swing the other way and soon.
~Excited that I posted a few things on Craigslist for sale and have sold one and have someone interested on the other. Thank goodness because I am B.R.O.K.E.
~I love to bake and last week I noticed that I was able to de-stress while baking. I think I need to do some more baking this week.
~Blog stats are interesting. Now that traffic has died down since being "Blog of Note", I average about 150 hits per day. For some reason, unknown to me, I had 309 hits on May 12th. I guess everyone was interested in finding out how the 1st night of weaning had gone.
~I was going over my work hours yesterday and tracking them in a spreadsheet since I can't use my timesheet for that. See, I'm obligated to work 20 hours, but often work 22-24 but cannot get paid for the overage. Instead, I can take them as Comp Time. I was excited to find that I have enough hours to take the week of June 15th off and still have time to accrue more hours to take the week off in August to go to Myrtle Beach (if we still go). Yay for time off!!
~My new favorite word is "crap-tastic" and I have to thank Emily (private blog, can't link) for that. I love it!! It's so applicable to my life right now.
I have a REALLY hard time believing it.
And I apologize now as I saw this on a blog a few weeks ago and now cannot remember on who's blog....sorry! If it was yours, let me know and I'll gladly give you credit.
Monday, May 25, 2009
~O ended up not working this morning and so we have been STUCK inside these four walls with nothing to do and no money to go do anything with. not so lovely.
~to get out of the house for even a moment, I made a Kroger run for a $2.19 twelve-pack of diet orange K soda. I was also going to go to a store I've been wanting to check out for some time, but once I got out in my car, I didn't feel like making the 20 minute trek so I went back home where I ended up bored again.
~hours later I made a trip to the used book store. I DO NOT NEED A SINGLE BOOK, but yet something possesses me to drive there. I had 3 books in my basket. a total of $5.50. I left them there and came home, stopping only to buy a book of stamps.
~E is currently working on a two hour nap. I think he's converting from 2 naps/day to 1.
~I hope your Memorial Day was more exciting than mine.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
~Dad revealed that he really didn't want to stay 'til Monday in order to (1) avoid traffic on Memorial Day and (2) avoid the drama/chaos @ my sister's house, of which there is ALWAYS plenty. I find it entertaining actually. So all that to say, we are home.
~I had briefly hoped that just maybe some miracle would happen and the shelves that Milo jumped on and thereby caused to come out of the wall in E's room 2 weeks ago would now be re-hung. Good thing I have LOW expectations. O was apparently WAY too busy watching 4 episodes of Band of Brothers (whatever the hell that is) and getting take-out for dinner. Must be nice. I can't remember watching 4 episodes of anything in one sitting.
~Upon arrival today O notifies me that (1) there is nothing in the house to eat (his regular exaggeration) and (2) he didn't go grocery shopping. When I offer to go shopping BY MYSELF, he says "can't we all go?"....WTF? Didn't E just spend 4 hours in the car and would much rather just play outside? And wouldn't I LOVE to have 1 hour to myself? Yes and Yes. Do I get my way? No. Never. Of Course Not. So all 3 of us go to stupid wallyworld and guess what....who do you think did ALL the work? Yep, that would be me. O spent his time playing/running around the store with E (so he didn't have to ride in the cart). Well, what in the heck would have been the difference if they would have stayed home? This is one of MANY reasons why I will go insane WELL before my time.
~I currently have NO plans for tomorrow. O mentioned that he has a couple hours of work to do so I guess it's just E and I. Maybe we'll lay in bed all day...yeah cuz a 15 month old would really want to do that, right?
~And THANK YOU to all of you who voted, even those of you who voted "who cares". Looks like I'll be waiting another gazillion years for that camera.
~Happy Memorial Day!
Friday, May 22, 2009
1. What are the names of the kids you used to babysit?
Jason, Jeremy & Nicholas were the kids I babysat most. There were others, but clearly not very often as I do not remember their names.
2. Do you prefer hot sandwiches or cold sandwiches?
I like both. It depends on mood, restaurant and time of year.
3. What was the highlight of your week?
good question. probably right this moment. en route for VA.
4. What color shirt are you wearing?
since I'm scheduling this, I'm not sure what color shirt I'm wearing because I don't have my wardrobe planned 2 days in advance. right now though, I am wearing an orange pj shirt.
5. What was your favorite subject in school?
6. What do you like about Mondays?
when it's 5pm.
7. What are three of the most beautiful things you have ever seen?
ethan. nyc. grand canyon. san francisco. palm trees.
8. What are three things you do not like?
liars. selfishness. liars.
9. 5 things you take with you when you leave the house.
ethan (he's not a thing though huh?). keys. purse. diaperbag. cell phone. ipod.
10. What's the next important date on your calendar?
may 28. depart for 2 days in atlanta with E, mom and her husband. fun!
11. Are you moody in the morning?
sometimes. especially if someone pissed me off the night before.
12. When was the last time you were at a baseball game? And how many major league ball parks have you been in?
it's been a while since I was at a game. june 2007 @ Turner Field when they had inter-league play. the Detroit Tigers played the Atlanta Braves. I've been in 7 parks -Comerica Park (Tigers), Turner Field (Braves), McAfee Coliseum (A's), Ameriquest Field (Rangers), Wrigley Field (Cubs), Comiskey Park (White Sox), & Chase Field (Diamondbacks). One of my 'things to do before I die" is to see a game in EVERY MLB park!!
Disclaimer: some of those park names may even have changed by now. I can't keep up with who has money to 'sponsor' the park *this* year. So annoying. I miss my plain 'ol DETROIT TIGER STADIUM!!!
13. Fireworks: take them or leave them?
I'm fine either way. I used to love them, you know, when I was young and it was something to go see with my boyfriend.
14. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
oh crap. it's time to get up already.
15. Last thing you purchased?
a song from iTunes "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield. "take me away, to better days, take me away, a hiding place, take me away, a secret place, a sweet escape, take me away" pretty appropriate lyrics for my life right now.
16. What is irritating you now?
wow. this one would take me WAY too long to answer so I'm just not going to bother.
17. What is the last magazine you read?
bits & pieces of Glamour and Creating Keepsakes, but it has been EONS since I've sat down and read a magazine cover to cover.
18. What is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?
haha. does getting up repeatedly count. if so, then the answer is 3:30am.
19. Which TV shows have you seen pretty much every episode of?
Grey's Anatomy. ER. Friends.
20. Do you feel guilty easily?
depends on the situation, but yes, typically probably pretty easily.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
~we are off to play at 12noon with his girlfriend.
~@ 3:30pm we have his 15 month check up, which includes shots. ouch!
~my dad should be arriving as we return from E's appt. he will spend the night here so we can leave early in the morning. he lives 1 hour from us.
~i'll have to do some packing and get things ready for our departure for VA.
~@ 7:30pm I will be enjoying immensely
~I'm so mean in fact, that I'm contemplating staying in VA until Monday and just may not tell O until we are already there. I think I deserve the extra day away from him. Yes indeed I do.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
~E and I were back to co-sleeping last night. the best part was going to bed at 9:00ish, I slept well and it was nice and quiet with no crying. my plan for now is to try to get E off the juice but it will be challenging considering that it's right there in his face. He woke 3x last night and I was only successful one time in getting him back to sleep w/o b**by.
~i left the house w/o breakfast today, which meant I HAD to go to ChickFila. While normally this would be very exciting for me. I really DIDN'T want/need to spend the money (or the calories) and I was so frustrated with myself for forgetting my regular yogurt & WW Blueberry Muffin.
~i never do anything after work it seems. i dread going home and then it's even worse that I have nothing to do. i miss playing softball, but if i try to start back up now, that means O has to either stay home with E or come with and bring E. i don't want to ask him for anything. i am disconnecting more and more everyday. this whole weaning situation was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back (at least in my eyes). i think i'll do my 2.5 mile walk with E tonight just to get out of the house. i'm totally NOT motivated to do it, but it's better than being bored @ home I suppose. and i need to lose weight.
~on Thursday E and I are finally going to play @ his girlfriend's house. from there we go to E's 15 month check up. shots too -boo!! then i get my pedicure that night...hooray for that.
~Friday morning, my dad, E and I are headed to VA. the sooner the better. looking SO forward to getting away. the best part, my step-sisters house does not get cell service very well. guess who I won't have to talk to? Yay. a complete break. desperately needed.
~yesterday in the mail i received 139 pages from my lawyer which came from the defendant. it was an interesting read and
~and i'm still contemplating just going out and buying that Canon SLR I want, or the Bose Speaker, or the Flip Video Recorder....sometimes I wish I wasn't so freakin' practical.
~and Thank You to Novelista Barista for the Funky Blog award.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
~E cried for nearly 2 hours tonight. At that point O said "aren't you supposed to go in there and soothe him?". Since I'm sick and tired of the stress that O is inflicting upon me and i'm tired of fighting this battle, I went in there and rubbed E's back 'til he fell asleep. It was 10:45pm.
~i'm so distressed over this whole situation, but the part that has me most upset is O and his stupid a$$ reactions and inability to deal with this. he cannot see the big picture. Last Wed i was finally seeing progress in this whole thing and we would have likely been done with this by Friday or Saturday night. Now, who knows what will happen.
~i finally broke down as I was rubbing E's back. definitely not the best place for that to happen but thankfully my tears and sniffling didn't keep him awake.
~to make matters worse, E and I are going to VA this Friday through Sunday and I'm certain the change in location will totally screw with his sleeping arrangements. We'll probably have a couple more crying nights upon our return and that will most certainly not be fun. THEN, the following week is when mom, her husband, E and I are supposed to go to Atlanta - again I anticipate the same issue.
~i'm to the point where i'm wondering what i did that was so awful in life that all these negative things are happening to me.
~i feel like my world is caving in around me. i really feel like there is not a single thing going my way right now. everywhere I turn there is stress. it seems like the entire world is against me. i know this isn't true, but it's how i feel. and then i get caught up in my regrets. past decisions i've made that i am completely regretting now, especially since said decisions were made based on false information provided to me @ the time. yes, that is vague on purpose.
~i've said this before, but i constantly go back to it because I often doubt the accuracy of the statement: they say God only gives you what you can handle. well if that's the case, i'm feeling like i'm at my threshold if not WAY past it. i cannot take anymore. something has got to give.
~going to try to sleep now. not feeling too optimistic about that though.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
Okay, first of all, 15 is WAY TOO MANY blogs to tag and frankly, I'm in a pissy mood today so I'm definitely not going to follow the rules. It's my way or the highway today.
Here's a few who I really think deserve this award:
Friday, May 15, 2009
~no plans for the weekend which makes me pretty blue. i feel like i have nothing to look forward to.
~my excitement may be in wandering through my neighborhood garage sale Saturday morning. i live such an exciting life, I know.
~today E and I are hoping to be able to play with his girlfriend, but they are not sure of their schedule quite yet. i hope it works out as we haven't had a playdate in a couple weeks now.
~I stayed up to watch the Grey's finale last night. WOW is all I have to say.
~yesterday while traveling with my mom we had this somewhat morbid talk. she brought it up. basically what she would do/want to do if her husband were to pass away before her. it was interesting to say the least. not sure where the topic came from though as he is in rather good health. i guess they discuss the topic between the two of them often. whatever.
~i'm pretty bummed out that I have nothing fun or remotely exciting planned for the weekend.
~hope you have a much more exciting weekend than me, it shouldn't be hard to do.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
~apparently E is the most stubborn child ever and only lays down in the crib when I am in the room, as soon as I leave he is standing up and remains standing up in the corner of the crib where he rests his head and then FALLS ASLEEP - STANDING UP!! That cannot be comfortable!
~He woke @ 1:30am and don't go all crazy on me now, I took him out of the crib and we went to bed. I really struggled with a lot of guilty feelings yesterday about the whole process and well, it got the best of me I guess. On the flip side, we both slept great until about 8am!!! We will be back to our regularly scheduled program tonight...I just wish he would lay down. The fact that he stays standing up the whole time really stresses me out, even though he does seem to doze off while standing.
~To make matters even more stressful (cuz I'm lucky like that) O will be home tonight. He doesn't want to stay @ my mom's tonight since her husband returned from his business trip...ugh, whatever. I told him he needs to get some earplugs and lock himself inside our bedroom with the TV on so he doesn't hear E crying. Thankfully the crying has reduced and seems to only last about 15-20 minutes. O just better not wig out on me because I have reached the top of my stress meter over the past two weeks.
~I'm also currently annoyed to no end with O because he has been napping for almost 3 hours now. He got up only 1 hour earlier for work today so I'm not buying that as an excuse. Heck he even got home from work early. Last time I checked, I was getting ALOT less sleep than him. How awesome is he?!?! NOT!! He is making it really hard for me to not wish he would have left for that stupid bootcamp.
~I think he's well on his way to earning the "shittiest husband of the year" award. Or at the very least the "most selfish person of the year" award.
~On the brighter side of my life, mom, E and I took a trip to the outlet mall early this afternoon where she bought some super cute Summer clothes for E. We had a really nice lunch out there too. I didn't want to come home.
~Thank you to those who have left me blog awards. I will try to get to them no later than Monday. Thanks for thinking of me!!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
~Mom came over to provide a support system for me. Thank goodness too because I just may have caved last night if she wasn't there. He was SOOOO tired when I got home from work and ended up taking a super late nap - I tried to prevent it, but failed...he woke around 7pm and so clearly there was no way he was going to bed around 8:30pm.
~Finally @ 9:30pm I put him in the crib and the crying saga began. I started @ 8 minute intervals, increased to 15 repeatedly rubbing his back to encourage him to fall asleep. I finally gave up the back rubbing because it was SO not working and I decided to let him cry 'til 11pm and then try to rub his back again to get him to sleep hoping he would be worn out by then. That's what ended up happening. And oh-so-lucky me...he woke up only 1.5 hrs later @ 12:30am.
~After checking on him @ 12:30am, I decided to just let him go for 30 or more minutes at a time. He HAS to tire himself out @ some point, right? Well, I apparently have the world's MOST stubborn child...he lasted until 3:30am and remained STANDING UP in his crib the majority of the time. In fact, he even fell asleep standing up while leaning on the crib...nice huh?
~Since a little humor is always helpful in this sort of situation. Mom and I were watching him on the monitor and he was kneeling in the crib, holding on to the railings and was clearly nodding off but furiously fighting it. He looked like a bobble-head doll. We could only see the back of him, but it was freakin' hilarious. I felt bad for him @ the same time though. :(
~After falling asleep @ 3:30am, he woke @ 5:30am!!! WTH? So he slept a grand total of 3.5 hours last night, just like me. Awesome!! I took him out of the crib @ 5:30am and we laid on the couch together until 6:30am when I had to get ready for work. He pretty much slept that hour too...so wow 4.5 hrs total. He will probably be TONS of fun today for the sitter. I wish I was with him instead.
~So, yes I really wanted to cave and just take him back to my bed. Even more so because my left boob feels like it is going to explode resulting in a breastmilk shower for anyone standing within 10 feet of me. I have 'expressed' some to relieve some of the pain/pressure, but it seems to be filling back up pretty darn quickly. Thankfully, the right boob is playing along nicely and cooperating with my plan.
~My plan for tonight is to put him in the crib @ 9pm, or earlier if he appears tired and just leave him alone with larger time intervals....say 45-60 minutes. Last night, after about 45 minutes alone, he finally started to poop out...so even though it feels awful, I think I'll let him go and hopefully he'll give up sooner and just freakin' fall asleep. Whenever I would go in and check on him, it only seemed to upset him more when I would leave, whereas leaving him along for longer periods of time gave him the opportunity to calm himself more (yay). It was so frustrating watching him on the monitor just stand at the crib railing when if he just would have laid down, he would have zonked out in 5 seconds flat. He was (is) sooooo tired.
~As for progress, there was definitely less crying last night, even though there was MUCH less sleeping.
~And as for my feelings, well, I'm thinking E and I just need to hop the next plane to Europe where its completely 'normal' and accepted to nurse your child until they are 3-4-5 years old. Clearly I don't want to nurse that long, but this process totally sucks and I need results dammit. I'm feeling very sad and my sadness increases as bedtime nears, I also feel like it will never work and that he may never get the hang of this sleeping thing, I mean if he only knew how AWESOME sleep is. I don't know if I can do this for another 4-5 nights. When did I become such a mush? Oh yeah, the day E was born probably.
~It will be increasingly difficult if O comes back and sleeps @ the house too. Just thinking about that stresses me out. My mom's husband comes home from out-of-town tomorrow and O will likely not want to stay there at that point, even though he still could, he may feel uncomfortable. He's weird like that.
~So I'm feeling a little (alot) blue today. I hate this process. All I want to do is pick E up and cuddle him. I'm tired of hearing how others have had quick success with this process. I'm feeling like a bad mom and a failure. What am I doing wrong? I mean, it's not that complicated so really what's going on? I've followed the 'rules' (or whatever you want to call them) to a "t"...so I guess I have a slow learner on my hands, at least with regards to sleep...
~I did get a bunch of hugs and kisses before I left for work, so that was awesome.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I don't comb his hair so
So now you can see why letting him cry and cry and cry is SO NOT easy.
A couple shout-outs:
~Señorita Andalucíana - I love your blog but the COMMENTS function DOES NOT WORK. I have tried to leave you comments repeatedly. Boo! :(
~Bored Housewife - you rock. I *so* appreciate your comments. I wish you had a blog! If you do...it's not linked to your log-in name here @ Blogger.
~Thank you to all for your supportive and uplifting comments during this weaning process. I really do appreciate each and EVERY one of them.
~initially it looked like things were improving, he fell asleep in 20 minutes
~then woke up 40 minutes later
~finally back to sleep until 2:15am (again!)
~we were up for about an hour and then he fell asleep until 4:30am
~at that point, I caved, took him to bed with me and we both zonked out for 2 awesome hours of solid sleep. I was freakin' exhausted and couldn't stay up anymore trying to comfort him in his crib.
~i'm doing this alone. husband is a big wimp and is sleeping @ my mom's house to avoid the crying. this type of behavior should be disclosed prior to marriage if you ask me. he is getting out of ALL of the difficult parts of parenting...digress...another story for another day.
~i don't think we are going to have the results everyone tells me they got after 3 days. we seem to be on a (much) slower road.
~i'm going to focus more on weaning him from nursing as opposed to getting him to fall asleep on his own. he will sleep in his crib but I am having to rub his back or head to get him to finally nod off.
~still feeling somewhat zombie-like.
Monday, May 11, 2009
~it took 90 minutes for E to finally fall asleep.
~about 30 minutes in, he was chucking things out of his crib. that at least provided me with some much needed comic relief.
~about 40 minutes in he threw up, purely from crying and being upset. poor guy. that made me feel like complete crap.
~he slept from 10pm-2:15am. I slept from 12am-2:15am.
~I don't feel like there was much progress in the sleeping as he has been waking up promptly @ 2am in my bed for eons. I'm trying to be patient though, it was only the first night.
~he didn't fall back asleep until 4:30am. it took TWO hours to get him back to sleep...definitely no progress there. He slept 'til 6am and got him out of the crib. he is normally up at 6:30am on my workdays anyway. it will be interesting to see how much he sleeps today. i warned the babysitter than his schedule will probably be all over the place today.
~last night in an email, a friend told me that the Almanac signs are good for weaning right now, whether it's boob, bottle, pacifier etc. While I found that absolutely hysterical and almost fell out of my chair, I did try to find some comfort in it as well. Let's hope that Almanac signs are even better today.
~i hope tonight is better.
~if not, i'm going to be zombie-like come Wednesday.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
~O will spend the night @ my mom's house.
~a quiet house.
~a little lavender aromatherapy room spray (for E and I) thrown in for good measure.
~tonight the weaning begins.
~wish me luck. i WILL need it.
~and please pray that E catches on quickly so this process is as short & painless as possible.
~I didn't realize that we would begin on Mother's Day. I guess it's my gift to myself, reclaiming my boobs. Yay me.
~Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there.
Friday, May 08, 2009
The rules: List seven things that make me awe-summm and then pass the award on to seven other people who I think are fabulously awe-summm.
1: Fifteen months ago TODAY I gave birth to the cutest boy EVER! Here's proof -->
2: I speak fluent Spanish and learned it in one year while living as a volunteer in an orphanage in rural Mexico.
3: I was MVP of my softball team my Senior year of high school and continued to play until 3 years ago. I hope I get back to it too cuz I really miss playing.
4: I'm from Michigan. Go Wings!!
5: I have seen The Phantom of the Opera (the musical, NOT the movie!) 3 times and in 3 different cities; Toronto, Detroit & Tucson. Loved it EVERY time!
6: I've lived in every time zone (ETA: in the Continental US) except for the Pacific. Maybe I should move to CA to knock them all out?!?!
7: I have traveled alone to NYC two times and would go again tomorrow if I could.
Other totally awe-summmmmmm bloggers I know are:
1) Katie @ A Look Behind My Eyes
2) Rachel @ If Its a Hero You Want, I Can Save You
3) Sizzle @ Sizzle Says
4) April @ Thoughts In My Tumultous Brain
5) Moonjava @ Moonjava's Muse
6) Chele @ On the tip of my fingers
7) Cathy @ The Slop Chest - maybe she'll start blogging again!
I just randomly picked 7, but you're all pretty awe-summmmm. :)
Thursday, May 07, 2009
~so since this is my blog and you all said you don't care about the venting here goes...it's long so grab a chair and a bag of chips....
~i'm going to vent a lot about my husband and for those of you who either (1) don't know much of the history or (2) think I shouldn't throw my husband under the bus...I suggest you stop reading now and move on to the next blog in your reader. You've been warned and I don't need the nasty comments, really I don't. I have enough crap to deal with right now. thankyouverymuch.
~yesterday the Guard called and told O he is now cleared (medically) to go to bootcamp and could leave within a week.
~O's response was that he is sick and tired of everything and no longer had the 'drive' to go. wtf? being in the military has been something he has wanted to do FOREVER and to GIVE UP, QUIT, THROW IT AWAY at this point is absolutely *&^%$ ridiculous. I cannot believe he is making this choice. I really think that I am in shock about it. I'm nearly sick to my stomach.
~I have so many emotions bottled up right now. It is all I can do keep from telling him off - IN A BIG WAY.
~We were really counting on that bonus money to build a savings account, pay off bills and then go to WDW next year. I'm beyond PISSED!!!
~Instead, he will go back to his regular (crappy paying) job on Monday. The company SOLD the truck he was using and right now O is not sure whether he'll be getting a new one or ANYTHING at all. He has NO money to go out and buy a car right now. We have one vehicle, which is MINE and that I need to use. Things just continue to go from bad to worse. They better freakin' give him a truck or I may blow up. I'm not too keen on getting up even earlier than I already do in order to drop him off at work everyday.
~In an effort to keep me calm, O mentioned that he will start saving every month so that we can still go to WDW next year because he knows how badly I want to go. Well, let's do the math....I want to go for 1 week, so let's say 6 nights @ $150 per night (I'm not staying in a dump and I want to stay on Disney property) that comes to $900. Probably average $100 for food per day. Now we are at $1500. I already have a 3 day ticket for O, E would get in free and I think I have 1-2 days left on an old ticket for myself, so we'd need to buy more tickets...approximate cost $500. That brings us to $2000. Honestly, I think this is a very LOW estimate. I think we would drive down, it's about 11-12 hours. I have no idea how much gas that would take but let's say $300 round trip and including food on the road. $2300. We haven't even looked @ Souvenirs or special engagements i.e. Safari, Water Parks, Sea World etc. Let's just round up to $3000 to be safe. That means setting aside $250 each month for the next 12 months. Yeah, that is so NOT going to happen. He's lucky if he has $25 extra each week from his crap-a$$ paycheck.
~By the way, O likes to talk out of his a$$ - at least that is what I'm going to call it and the above scenario is a perfect example. Recently he told me there was a guy who had 5 houses that needed driveways poured. He was going to make $1k each. Stupid me got all excited and guess what - it all fell through-at least for now. I could go on and on with examples, but honestly, all it will do is piss me off. The bottom line is O counts his chickens before they are hatched (AKA empty promises) and I have FINALLY learned to not believe anything before I see it, which is a really shitty way to live, but frankly, I'm sick and tired of being let down.
~I think in an effort to not feel like such a loser O went and rented a carpet shampooer today and did all the carpeted areas in the house as well as the kitchen chairs and both couches. Am I excited? Not really. Normally I would be, but I could give a shit right now. Big effin' deal. I asked him to do this before he left so if he had gone to bootcamp, it wouldn't have gotten done @ all. Whatever!! It's going to take a lot more than that to turn this frown upside down.
~So now we'll just go back to living paycheck to paycheck, which apparently for him is easy to do-he grew up poor, so it's an easier adjustment (that's my logic anyway). I grew up middle class but I also married late in life and held professional jobs with nice salaries to provide a comfortable life for myself. I am not used to living paycheck to paycheck and I effin hate it. This is not what I went to school for nor what I had planned for my life. I had better expectations for myself and my life. Back to the empty promises and no follow through - in the past O told me many times I would be able to stay home when we had kids. Yeah - another seeing is believing because if I didn't have the job I have now, there is no way we would be making our housepayments.
~As for looking for a better paying job. In the past his excuse has always been that he would be leaving for bootcamp and who would hire him knowing that he'd be gone for 5 months. Should be interesting to see what he might use as an excuse now, although I don't think he'll even bother looking for a new job.
~Just for good measure, here is another great example of talking shit..for as long as I can remember, O has said he wants to start his own business. He needs to get his Contractors license first. I have printed everything off the internet that he would need to start the process...do you think he has taken even one step towards obtaining the actual thing? Of course not. Today he says to me "what do you think if I get a loan from the bank and get my Contractors License?" It was difficult, but I tried not to bust a gut laughing. Actually instead of giving my opinion, I told him he would have to go to the bank and find out. He won't do it anyway, so why waste my breath? The original plan was to use some of his bonus money to get the license. I think acquiring more debt is a much better idea...um, no!
~So there you go folks. A few scenarios to show you why I'm @ my wit's end and why O's latest crappy decision is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Too bad I'm not in a better situation right now to make a major change. And in case you couldn't figure it out, I could have really used a 5 month break from him.
~Oh and the little bit of retail therapy that I indulged in today DID NOT HELP me feel better AT ALL. I think I should just go out and buy that damn Canon 12mp Digital SLR. I'm sure that would make me feel ALOT better! Ha!
Back soon (hopefully)....
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
~ATL trip for this week cancelled. Thank you Mother Nature and your crappy friend Rain!
~our trip to VA has been postponed one week.
~O not going to bootcamp.
~I've taken down my Disney countdown widget because O not going to bootcamp=NO 5k bonus=no trip to Disney. That's Effin' Wonderful!!!
~probably not hosting playgroup this week @ our neighborhood playground due to that lovely Mother Nature and her crappy friend Rain again.
~I'm a planner!!! I don't plan ahead only for things to change @ the last minute. So frustrating. This doesn't help my already crappy mood for the week either!
1) The Beach....preferably a nice hotel located ON the beach so I can sit @ the pool and enjoy the ocean air.
2) Sleeping. This has not always been a favorite thing of mine, I actually really (used to) like to stay up late. Now that I am so grossly deprived of sleep, well it has become a favorite.
3) Going places with E. Even a trip to the grocery store is fun with him.
4) Looking at all of my old photos, from my childhood and high school days. Good Times.
5) Internet of course. Without it I would have no blog and no blogging friends.
6) Books. I really enjoy reading, just don't have much time for it these days.
7) My iTouch...for many, many reasons.
Monday, May 04, 2009
The winner will receive:
*7 handmade cards, (pictured here) created by none other than moi. (thank you to all who suggested this as a giveaway item)
Card #1 "happy birthday"
Card #2 "miss you"
Card #3 "i couldn't do it without you"
Card #4 -a bunch of love 'stuff'
Card #5 "you are the best
Card #6 "kiss me quick
Card #7 "loves me, loves me not...."
*1 store-bought (gasp!) eco-friendly journal (pictured here). *Sorry for the crap pictures, I did the best I could with the resources available to me i.e. I STILL don't have than darn Canon SLR. I promise the cards look MUCH better IRL than in these pictures.
And now for the fine print...
How to gain entries?
1st Entry: Leave me a comment telling me what you are most looking forward to this Summer.
2nd Entry: Subscribe or follow my blog and leave me a comment that you have subscribed/followed.
3rd Entry: Twitter about my giveaway w/link to this post, then leave me a comment with a link to your Twitter message.
4th Entry: Post about my giveaway on your blog, and leave me ANOTHER comment with a link to that post.
*Winner will be are chosen by random.org, so make sure you leave individual comments, not all of them in one, otherwise all that posting & Tweeting you did was for nothing & you'll only have 1 entry.
*Make sure I am able to reach you, by either enabling your email through blogger, or leaving your email in the comment.
*I will announce the winner on Tuesday, May 5th.