Tuesday, March 31, 2009

~having the bed to myself~

~My son is almost 14 months old. We have been co-sleeping since he was about 3 months old. Bad habit to get into, but a very loving feeling when he's all cuddled up next to me. This also displaced my husband onto the sofa bed as our bed is not big enough to accommodate all 3 of us.

~I have been wanting to transition the little guy to his crib for sometime, but kept putting it off because having him in bed w/me is just easier when he wakes in the middle of the night (numerous times). He has been progressively more fidgety at night, rolling over etc. I often have feet in my face or get clunked in the head with a fist and so I have finally taken the 1st steps in relocating him to his crib. Ultimately, it's just too dangerous to keep him in bed with me at this point, I'm afraid he will fall out of the bed.

~Both books and many people have recommended doing this in steps. For example, this week he will sleep in his Pack N Play in my room, next to my bed. The next phase is to move the Pack N Play into his room and still have him sleep in it and then finally moving him to his crib. The first night (Sunday) was rough, he woke up @ least 4 times, one time staying awake for about an hour because he was so upset, thankfully though, I was able to get him back to sleep and in the Pack N Play. They say it takes a few days and he should get used to it...so I say is it Friday yet? :)

~I'm really going to miss him not cuddling with me at night, but in the end, I KNOW that he'll be back...when he's 2, 3, 4 years old. That's what kids do. :)

~Well, today is my mom's birthday and in her honor I am skipping my Death & Dying class tonight and we are all going out to dinner. A great day in store, I can tell already!!

Monday, March 30, 2009

~the cost of an addiction, er obsession~

I have been using MS Money to track my spending and savings since they year 2000. At some point I had to start over with my tracking and it currently goes back only to June 1, 2005.

In light of the current poopy economy, I thought it would be interesting, eye-opening (or more likely, depressing) to see how much money I've spent on certain 'addictions' or 'obsessions', however you want to phrase it.

Let's start with Starbucks. This is a fairly new money-sucker for me...a little over 3 years old.

July-Dec 2005: $67.82
Just getting started...

2006: $53.98
Probably paid cash for a lot of drinks this year...I gradually became one of those chronic users of the debit card who carries little to no cash on them...bad habit, I know.

2007: $238.79
I worked @ SBUX during 2007 so a lot of my spending included gifts, books and mugs. Most of the drinks this year were free, while I was working. If I went in for a drink and wasn't working, then it was discounted 30%.

2008: $40.97
The only reason I can attribute to this number being so low is that I was @ the end of my pregnancy and avoiding caffeine. After E was born, I rarely left the house for the first 8-10 weeks, hence no SBUX visits. Also, I only worked for 3 months in 2008 which translates to having NO money.

2009: (to date) $100.41
Looks like I need to slow down on my SBUX visits this year. Can I blame my mom who originally introduced me to the Iced Chai Tea? It's really the only thing I ever get there anymore.

Grand Total: $501.97 - Damn!! It sure adds up huh?

Now let's look @ Scrapbook Supply Spending...this one will be SCARY!!

2006: $964.84
This year included a SUPER fun trip to Atlanta to a scrapbooking convention, hence the high level of spending. Honestly, this probably doesn't include everything as I'm sure at some point I paid cash for items.

2007: $813.93
No conventions this year, but did go to NC in August for a GREAT scrappin' weekend with my friend, Mary. Clearly, I was OUT OF CONTROL on scrapbook spending. Can I blame it on being pregnant?

2008: $538.61
The lowest spending so far. Probably due to only working for 3 months during this year and having a new baby. Still too much spending if you ask me.

2009: $63.64
Need to keep a hold of the purse strings this year. Making my lowest income since I was 16 years old. Great self-esteem booster huh? (joking!)

Grand Total: $2380.72
This is a conservative number considering that cash transactions are not included.

Lastly, let's look @ iTunes spending...thankfully it hasn't been around as long as SBUX and Scrapbooking....

Oct 2007 - present: $111.47
Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. This does not include the occasional iTunes card I may have purchased.

Dec 2005- present: $445.23
I'd really like to have that money back. Crap! In my defense though, I have become a much more responsible spender over the years and I now rarely carry a balance on my credit card (2008 being the exception due to job situation).

This really turned out to be a fun and interesting exercise for me. Next time I go to buy something that "is only $20", I'll remember how $20 and another $20 add up to HUNDREDS pretty quickly.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

~Sunday AKA Study Day~

~Just a quick post today

~Sunday means it's "study day" @ Borders - Yuck!! I cannot wait for this semester to be over with. Unfortunately I have ALOT to tackle in the next 4 weeks.

~I'll probably be there from 10am (open) to 3pm, only leaving @ 3pm because we have company coming for dinner, planned for some time. Bad timing? Yes. Oh well.

~I have to finish my Ethnicity paper for the Cross Cultural Counseling class

~I will likely completely neglect the reading I need to do

~Happy Sunday to you!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

~random dreams~

~For some very ODD reason, I had a dream about my very first boyfriend last night. We dated 22 years ago, so I'm not sure why this dream popped up. Before your thoughts start down one path, let me preface by saying that it was a very CLEAN dream.

~I woke up feeling really good though, like I had really met with him, in real life. Our relationship was interesting, to say the least. It started when I was 15, he was 19. I still can't believe my mom agreed to let me 'date' him. He worked @ the pizza place next door to the dog grooming shop where I washed dogs on Saturdays (by the way, I LOVED that job).

~I often think about him, it seems he crosses my mind once a week or so.

~Over time and distance, we just lost touch. He joined the Marines, wrote me letters from wherever he was stationed and even called me from Okinawa (total shock). When he came home on leave he came to visit me @ the photo shop where I was working @ the time (now 21 years old). That was the last time I saw him. There really wasn't any closure either, he said he was going up north to visit his parents and would stop back by on his way 'out' - that never happened.

~I believe that he is now working in Thousand Pines (?), CA as a Deputy Sheriff, although I could be wrong. I wish I could find him on Facebook but I think his profession keeps him from signing up there.

~ETA: The city is actually 29 Palms....all those tree names just confuse me.

~Anyway, the dream was a reunion of sorts, at least that is how it felt when I woke up.

~I wonder how he's doing. Of course I'll be thinking about him all day now. Ugh!!

Friday, March 27, 2009

~20 Questions~

Another installment of 20 questions swiped from Dawn's blog.

1. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

My earliest memory is wanting to be a Veterinarian. This quickly ended during my time working @ the local dog grooming shop when one groomer accidentally snipped part of a dog's tongue while grooming him. The piece of tongue was hanging there by a thread. I held the dog while the shop owner drove us over to the vet. I quickly because queasy and figured out that I would not be able to stomach that type of job/career.

2. What have you done in the past week to help someone else?
nothing that I can think of - I'm a terrible person.

3. Who is the best-dressed person you know?
Probably my neighbor, the news-anchor.

4. What is on your nightstand?
A stack of books to be read, alarm clock, lamp, baby tylenol & motrin, baby nail clippers, flashlight and telephone. Lot of stuff huh?

5. If you were a cat, what kind of a cat would you be?
I would be a really fun, cuddly, cute and kiss-giving cat, like my Tango used to be.

6. If you lived in a house surrounded by acres of trees, what particular type of tree would you want flourishing on your land?
I would love to be surrounded by a bunch of Bradford Pears!! They are gorgeous!!

7. What do you find to be very overrated?

8. How many email addresses do you have?
Two. One for school/work and the other for personal junk.

9. Have you ever felt replaced?

10. Would you rather watch football or baseball?
Baseball, hands down. Preferably of the Detroit Tiger or Chicago Cubs variety.

11. What is the wallpaper on your phone?

A pic of E sleeping.

12. Name a lyric from the song you're listening to.
I am not listening to a song right now.

13. Do you use a feed reader?
Oh yes, Google Reader. I have finally made the commitment after going back and forth between GR and Bloglines.

14. What chocolate do you always leave in the box?
Any with Coconut in it or on it. Blech!

15. What would you do if you found out your ex is engaged?
I'd be shocked honestly, but I would try hard to be happy for him because he is not very social, has no family and ultimately is all alone. It would be good for him to have someone in his life.

16. Do words hurt you?
Yes, too often.

17. Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both?
I think I talk more than listen and that really needs to change if I'm going to be any good at this counseling crap. (yet another reason why I think I choose the wrong career path-again)

18. Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
Yes, but cannot remember when or what beach.

19. Who is your favorite professional athlete?
Wow, when I was much younger & lived in Michigan where it was easier to closely follow the Detroit Tigers, I had many favorite athletes. I don't think I can pick one right now.

20. Which TV show have you seen pretty much every episode of?
Sex and The City!!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

~who me? blog of note? wow!~

I was on the computer for a few minutes this morning, then went to put the little guy down for his nap. When I came back I discovered that I was chosen for "blog of note" today. WOOHOO!!

Thanks Blogger!!!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

How Do You Sleep

I found this on my great blogging friend Dawn's blog. Must give credit where credit is due. :) Sleep is a big issue in my life right now, so I could not pass up doing this survey.

1. How long do you sleep each night?
Currently, I average about 6 hours, although not 6 hours straight. It is constantly interrupted due to a super cute little 13 month old who still cannot figure out how to sleep through the night. Ack!

2. Do you fall asleep easily?
I usually do, but only because I'm so freakin' tired all the time. I have been tired for the past 15 months.

3. Do you fall asleep at times not in your bed?
Um, not currently. I sleep in my bed because I'm currently (ahem) co-sleeping with my little guy. My goal for May is to get him sleeping consistently in his crib. (wish me luck on that one).

4. Do you listen to music or use “white noise” to sleep?
I never used to, but this past winter we used a space heater and initially I thought it was really noisy, but I've grown to LOVE the 'white noise' as it drowns out all the other noise, like when O is up getting ready in the morning. I will miss that 'white noise' but I really don't want to buy a 'white noise' machine...seems silly to me.

5. Do you sleep through the night or get up a couple of times?
I'm up usually @ least 3 times during the night these days. If it's a good night, I'm only up 1-2 times. I haven't slept through the night for at least 15-16 months now. Not one single night. Yawn!

6. Do you have trouble sleeping away from your own bed?
I think these days I could sleep just about anywhere.

7. Do you need an alarm clock to get you up?
Unfortunately not. I usually wake up before I need to or O wakes me up before he leaves in the morning.

8. Do you ever take medication to help you sleep?
I don't currently, but I have taken Tylenol PM in the past.

9. Do you/have you slept with pets?
Occassionally, Milo & Hula will sleep @ the foot of the bed, but typically they are locked out of the bedroom because they sometimes decide to start 'meowing' in the middle of the night, which wakes up the little guy and that makes mommy very mad.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

~hindsight is 20/20~

~From time to time, I tend to get caught up in moments (or hours) of thoughts about my past and how I wish I had done many things different, you know, a bunch of "what if" or "I wish I..."statements...probably not the best use of my time, but it still happens. Currently the topic is "what if I had just gone to grad school upon finishing my undergraduate studies?"

I'm stuck on this lately for a couple reasons:

(1) I am NOT enjoying my classes AT ALL, not because of the workload or assignments, but more because I keep second guessing this career path and ultimately I am really not interested or motivated. I even have (passing) thoughts of quitting, but then I know I would regret it later on, plus I need the itty bit of income from my GA position, so in the end...I am stuck and it doesn't feel good!

(2) being away from E for 13 hours, two days in a row is really wearing on me. I miss him. :(

(3) I just wish I had a regular M-F 8-5 job drawing a decent paycheck so I had evenings free to go for walks with E, a steady income to save for a vacation(s), and could look forward to a little shopping on the weekends from time to time. I have NONE of this right now and it makes me nearly hate life.

I'm SO happy there are only 4 wks left in the semester (after this week)...oh AND I'm skipping next Tuesday night's Death & Dying class to take my mom out to dinner for her birthday. Hooray!

~I'm so glad that I'll be free from school during May. I am looking forward to enjoying that time off before Summer term starts in June. Free time is so much richer & enjoyable to me now that it's so limited.

~On a more positive note, for THIS reason, it's probably a good thing I don't live @ the AZ/Mexico border any longer. And probably even more important that I'm not crossing that border to go to work everyday like I did for 2 years. So even though I thought my life was falling apart all around me when I got laid off from that job (way back in 2003), I can see now that it was a blessing in disguise.

~Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, I know I've been whining about this school crap for a while. I'll try to get thru the rest of the semester w/o complaining...a lofty goal.

Monday, March 23, 2009

~post by numbers~

1- Chai Teas I am allowing myself this week. I already consumed 1 yesterday, so no more this week. I need to curb the spending and I'm going to see if the caffeine has possibly began to affect E. He has been staying up late the last couple nights and has been difficult to put down for naps in past few days too.

2- times I cried in past week. One time was because I was in excruciating pain as I knelt down to clean E's room up and landed right ONTO one of his jumbo legos...my knee cap was NOT happy. Oddly, this was nearly as painful as childbirth/c-section recovery and I was nearly paralyzed until the pain subsided. Makes me cringe just thinking about it. The other tearful episode was not nearly as exciting and will go unexplained.

3- days I worked out last week, which means I failed miserably at my goal to work out every night during Spring Break week. Yep, I suck.

4- hours I spent surfing on TwoPeas this weekend. I miss scrapbooking and was 'craving' it, if that is possible. I ended up putting together 3 quick layouts.

5- weeks left in this dreaded semester.

8- bottles of water I should have drank over the weekend. Actual # I drank: 1

9- books on my nightstand waiting to be read.

10- times (so far) I've wished I could have stayed in bed today.

11- hours left in my day. *sigh*

Friday, March 20, 2009


I was inspired by Chele's post listing all the concerts she has attended in her lifetime so far. I don't come close to the number she has, but thought it would be fun to list them anyway.

1) Reo Speedwagon (This was my 1st concert ever, my parents surprised me. I was @ an REO concert with my parents while neighboring fans smoked pot. Interesting to say the least.)

2) Jack Wagner (yes, the same guy who played "Frisco" on General Hospital)

3) Night Ranger (2 times)

4) Foreigner

5) Mana

6) Jimmy Buffett (3 times)

7) Elvis Crespo

8) Bruce Hornsby

9) Don Henley (swoon!)

10) The Eagles (@ Tiger Stadium, my favorite concert by far)

11) Eddie Money

12) Kenny Chesney

13) Billy Idol (loved this one!!!!!!)

14) Kenny Loggins (3 times)

15) Billy Pilgrim

16) Chicago

17) Heart

18) Gypsy Kings (2 times)

19) Gary Allan

20) The Outfield

I'm sure there are more, but that's all I can remember and I thought I had saved my ticket stubs, but could not seem to locate them anywhere in this house! Argh!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

~Wednesday Randomness~

~It's been a great week so far not having classes. It's nice to get home before dark and before E goes to bed.

~I set myself a goal this week to run @ least 1.5 miles EVERY night. So far I'm on track. I ran on Monday, but yesterday was SO beautiful outside that all 3 of us went for a walk in the neighborhood, 2.5 miles and @ a fast pace, so I feel that is equivalent to running 1.5 miles. Now if I can only stop eating 47 pieces of licorice per day, maybe I'd get somewhere. LOL!!

~It's supposed to be another nice day today, so we'll head out for another walk after work. Can't wait!

~Is 92 blog subscriptions too many to have in one's Google Reader? Blog Addict! I keep finding so many good blogs out there.

~I'm really wishing I hadn't deleted my former 2 blogs...but people got ugly, I didn't like it and I guess that's how I handled it...I ran from it, yep I've been accused of running away from things before. (tangent!) I've always denied it, but maybe there is some truth to it. I wonder how many posts I would have by now. It would be really interesting to read what I was writing back in 2004/2005. I also wish I had saved my diaries from those crazy teenage years. I don't have a clue what happened to them. I assume they got thrown out. Wonder why I did that?!?!

~I am working on the creation of the "1st year of Onesies" collection. Last night I created all of the designs so that they are UNISEX. I will also allow people to custom order if they want gender specific sets. As soon as I pick up a new toner cartridge for the printer and the onesies, I will be ready to start printing, ironing, folding and wrapping them up with some super cute ribbon. I cannot wait to see the finished product. So excited.

~In the past month or so, I've been made aware of numerous sad baby stories/outcomes. I heard of another yesterday and it makes me very sad for the individuals involved. It also makes me realize how very blessed I am for having had such an easy pregnancy and a healthy boy. It seems that such pregnancies and outcomes are not so common.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

~consignment, cellular & poop~

~I spent the weekend nearly buried in baby boy clothes & my maternity clothes. Who bought all these things? It is quite the process to tag & prepare each item. I still have some ironing to do too. There is a huge consignment sale coming up here in April. It happens twice a year and in the Fall I attended as a 'buyer', this time around I am a 'consignor'...it's a bittersweet experience holding up those 0-3 month size onesies and then fighting off buckets of tears because my little man doesn't fit in them anymore. :( Boo!! It's also bittersweet coming to terms with the fact that he will be my only one. I guess that's the way it is meant to be.

~Anyway, after pricing everything & tagging them, I have $500 worth of stuff to sell. Wow! I will get 70% of whatever sells. The last day everything goes 1/2 off though and then whatever doesn't sell, I will have to pick up. I thought about donating everything @ the end, but my mom is having a garage sale in May, so I'll give things a try there and then likely donate the rest. The proceeds will just be recycled into getting more clothes for E and then I plan to set aside half for our trip to Myrtle Beach with my dad.

~In going thru the boxes of E's clothes, I came across some plain white onesies which ended up inspiring me to make the decision to create and sell the "monthly onesies"(see pictures) in a set of 12. I'm constantly receiving comments/compliments & inquiries on them, so maybe they can provide me with a bit of cash flow. I hope to pick up the iron on transfers today and get started creating. If you are interested in a set, just let me know here.

~Changing topics, I found out I'm not eligible for a cell phone upgrade until this July. *sigh* So I will hang on to my old phone until then. I was excited to find out about this site to get rid of my old phone. They buy old phones, they even send you the packaging and pay for your shipping. And to make things even better, they plant a tree for every phone that is sold to them. Right now, my phone will yield a whopping $15, but hey, that's better than sitting in my kitchen drawer.

~Really want to attend this conference, but totally bummed out at the realization that there is no way I'll be able to! I think it would be loads of fun and really quite interesting, not to mention that it's taking place in the rockin' city of Chicago!!! Oh how I miss you Chicago!!

~I am addicted to cupcake & baking blogs lately. All it is doing is frustrating me though because I do not have time to bake like I once used to. Argh.

~I got pooped on yesterday. Literally. I was changing E's diaper and apparently he wasn't done yet. Not fun!

Monday, March 16, 2009

~is it May yet?~

~I have 6 weeks from end of Spring term to start of Summer term, how many books can I get through?

~happy birthday~

~to Milo & Hula...they are 5 years old today (or yesterday, can't remember the actual day, bad cat-mom, I know)

~that also means that my sweet Tango has been in kitty heaven for 5 years. She left for the Rainbow Bridge on 3.10.04 :( I still miss her. She was the best EVER!!

~Hula has outlived most life expectancy quotes that we've been given...and that's a GOOD thing. She shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

Sunday, March 15, 2009


~in the 'friend' who cancelled Friday's lunch @ the last minute AGAIN.

~in the 'friend' who no longer communicates with me on FB because I've started to communicate with an old friend from high school. really? are we back in high school now? *sigh*

~in the relative who let me know they were going on vacation by posting it on my FB wall. In the past, normal would have been to call. Get over it, would ya?!? Geesh!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


~Last night we attempted to go to the gym, all 3 of us. We took E to the child care and walked out. In less than 1 minute, he realized I was gone and started screaming. I tried for a bit to try to get him to calm down and enjoy playing there, to no avail. Two little girls even came over to try to cheer him up.

~We drove two cars, anticipating this outcome.

~E and I went home. I did 1.5 miles on the treadmill @ home.

~I wanted to do a whole lot more than just running though. I was really looking forward to some weight training.

~I ran another 1.5 miles today on the treadmill @ home.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

~things I miss~

This post was inspired by Sizzle Says:

1. My Jeep Wrangler
2. A bi-weekly paycheck
3. Playing softball
4. Watching chick-flicks while curled up on the couch w/Milo & Hula
5. Summer trips to Chicago AKA Cubs Games
6. Dinner @ my grandparents house
7. Washing & drying the dishes with my grandma after we all ate
8. Being comfortable in my own body
9. Cedar Point roller coaster rides with my mom
10. The many great things about Michigan
11. Beach vacations to Mexico
12. Sleeping in
13. Cider Mills
14. Self Confidence
15. Red Wing Hockey games @ the "Joe"
16. Ice Skating
17. My sweet cat Tango. She's been gone 5 years already!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

~school is a drag~

~Ugh, thank goodness next week is Spring Break. While I will still have to work 3 days as a GA, I won't have classes. Yay!! I can SO use the break. I will likely apply some of that extra time towards working my not-so-exciting Substance Abuse paper, on Alcohol Use & Cravings. Progress has been quite stagnant on that one.

~I'm really in a funk with school. I'm constantly having 2nd thoughts about this career path, but it is WAY too late to change anything now, so I'm gonna just press on, but it is currently quite painful.

~Career-wise, I don't know where I belong. I cannot even think of what my 'dream-job' would be.

~Today when I asked a question in my Substance Abuse class, the professors response was somewhat sarcastic/rude and I felt really stupid. Great! I really don't need any help in feeling that way right now, I'm doing just fine w/it on my own.

~Sometimes when I listen to students have discussions in class, I wonder where they come up with some of these things. I often feel like I have nothing worthy to contribute to the discussions, so I remain tight-lipped. I never used to be like this. I don't know what is wrong with me right now.

~I can only think of negative qualities to explain how I feel right now, so I will go.

Monday, March 09, 2009

~the 1, 2, 3's of dieting~

~In all of my practice (and there's been plenty), I have concluded that there are 3 components to successful weight loss.

~Component (1) Eating right (duh), this includes portion size & what you eat.
~Component (2) Exercise, you probably knew this one too.
~Component (3) Drink LOTS of H2O...@ least 64 oz is what they usually say.

~So here I am 1 year+ post baby and still fighting to lose 17 EXTRA pounds. And they ARE indeed extra because I certainly don't need (or want) them. Of course, I probably have more like 30lbs that I don't need, but 17 would get me to wedding day/pre-baby weight and that would be a good start.

~The problem is this...on most days I have great diet ambitions, however my dilemma is incorporating ALL 3 components on the SAME day, and that, my friends, is the key to successful weight loss.

~For example, on a typical day:
~I eat well, control portions, keep out junk food & even drink lots of water, but I don't get in a lick of exercise.
~then there are the days when I get in a great workout, eat fairly well all day but drink NO water.
~and then there are the days when I drink 64oz of water but eat crap all day & don't even get near the treadmill.

~Two years ago this all seemed so EASY to me. Too easy in fact. I just cannot get a handle on it right now and it's really frustrating, which ultimately drives me to consume gross amounts of chocolate, which doesn't help the weight loss efforts AT ALL. :) Can you see the problem here?

~I'm not sure what else I can do. I feel sort of helpless at this point.

~I do plan to go to the gym EVERY night next week, it's Spring Break so I have no classes. Just 3 regular 8-hour work days. Yay!! Maybe we can even go this Wed night too, especially since O REALLY needs to prep for BCT now!!

~the fine line~

~I need your input...

~In my office we have 'student workers', basically university students who are working on their Bachelor's degree. It has become public knowledge that I am fluent in Spanish. There is a student taking a 200 level Spanish course. You can see where this is going, right?

~I have helped her one time previously, with an assignment. Just to show my age, these assignments are done on-line nowadays...not paper & pen when I was doing my undergrad degree, you know, back in the stone-ages.

~Anyway, today she came to me with another request for help. I don't want her to just slack off and come to me with all her homework, and I don't think she has, but it just feels like she wants me to TELL her what the answer is, she types it out and submits it to her professor.

~I agreed to help her today, however I did NOT just give her the answers. I helped her to figure it out for herself and I let her make grammatical errors with the hopes that she would catch them on her own...and on most she did. I did not correct every single answer (there were only 5) because I think she still needs to learn for herself and fixing everything for her is ultimately not helping her.

~So, my question is where do I draw the line? How much is too much? Every other week? Once per month? How often would you say it's "OK" for her to come for help, which is really just coming to ask me for the answers...

Thursday, March 05, 2009

~biological father AKA sperm donor~

~I hardly know my biological father. For the most part I'm ok with that.

~He and my mom divorced when I was 2 yrs old. I saw him when I was 4 yrs old and then not again 'til I was 16 yrs old. By then he had moved to Florida, remarried, had a 2 yr old and another baby on the way.

~When I was 16 I flew to FL and spent Thanksgiving with him and his family. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. According to my mom, he turned 40 that year and was having his "mid-life" crisis. He had written her a letter and all of a sudden wanted to get to know me. Ha!! He didn't even take the days off of work when I was there. Guess he didn't want to get to know me THAT well.

~We stayed in touch for the next couple years until he traveled to Michigan and didn't have time to see me. I wrote him a nasty letter, he called and said he was not @ fault. I was 18, he was 42, who should have been more accountable? That is the last time I have spoken with him.

~A number of years later, we started emailing, I'm not even sure how I got his email address, maybe from my mom. Anyway, his email correspondence is always as if I'm a former co-worker of his or something - it's really strange. He signs all his emails "FM" - his initials.

~Anyway, all this to say that when E first arrived, there was an increase in email communication, but it is virtually non-existent at this point. E received a Christmas gift and Birthday gift from him, but when I send an email to thank him, I get no response. I then thought the email wasn't working, even though I didn't get a failure message, so I followed up with a written thank you note. Still never heard from him. In the birthday Thank You note, I included a picture of E with cake & frosting all over him, still no note back. My last ditch effort was sending him a link to E's 1 year professional pictures so he could see them...take a guess...still haven't heard from him.

~I often over-analyze things, which is clearly what I'm doing here...trying to figure out why he sends things to E, but cannot respond via email to anything anymore.

~Ugh! Whatever!!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

~a few things that make me crazy~

~the sound of The Military Channel always in the background...ack!!

~the train that honks more than the required 3x as it goes by at 2am in the morning.

~inconsistency. this can apply to just about anything.

~the 437 power point slides I have to review for my Substance Abuse exam. 437!!! WTH?!

~the cats screaming (for no reason) @ the top of their lungs when E is sleeping.

~the working woman's meme~

The Working Woman's Meme

1. How many post it notes are stuck to your computer screen?

None!! I'm a neat freak.

2. Do you have one of those plastic floor covers for your desk chair to roll on?

3. How many (work-related) emails to you receive & send per day?
Right now, maybe 10 tops. I'm still new, this job is part time & it is the lowest stress level job I've ever had.

4. At what part of the day are you the most productive?
Morning - before lunch.

5. How often do you go out to lunch?
Only on my days off (Thurs or Fri)

6. Does your boss pop the collar on his trench coat?

7. Is there someone in your office that you just can't stand?
No, at least not yet. Thank Goodness!

8. What percent of time each day would you say on non-work related tasks? i.e. blogging!
(at least) 50% shhhh. don't tell. (see #3)

9. Do you have a favorite pen that you use everyday?
Not necessarily a favorite, but I tend to use the same pen (or pencil) everyday.

10. Do you listen to music while @ work? If so, what kind?
Occasionally I will get the live stream of the local country station, but not everyday. I have yet to bring in my iPod speaker and set that all up.

Now copy the questions and plug in your answers, then leave me a comment to let me know you played along. Thanks!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

~a year ago today~

A year ago today, I wrote this.

What a huge contrast from where I'm at now.

I did get hired @ the hospital, but the job was a complete flop. Glad I'm not there.

O never took the job he was offered and that turned out to be another of many (unnecessary) stressful situations in my life in 2008.

I no longer work @ the same place where I was going back to on 3/19/08.

After a couple more flake-outs by previously mentioned friend, well, I no longer schedule lunch or anything else with her for that matter. I wrote her off, which makes me sad because I really don't have a lot of friends. Ultimately though, I don't have time for flaky friends.

One thing that remains the same from today in comparison to 3.3.08, I still spend ALOT of time thinking about E. Mostly wishing I was still at home with him. Thursdays & Fridays are my favorite-ist days!!!

Monday, March 02, 2009

~random thoughts~

~Well, I thought I'd post a few random things I've been thinking about, despite the fact I don't think anyone is reading. Eh...what's new? Even those who were once considered 'regulars' here have fallen by the wayside.

~I really do strive to come up with some witty & interesting things to post, but I feel that I am failing miserably. Guess that's why no one is reading, huh?

~I really want to do the 3 Day Walk for Breast Cancer but it's not being held in a location close to me. Bummed! ETA: it's actually in Atlanta, so not too far away, BUT in order to participate, you have to raise $2300!!!

~Sometimes I have 2nd thoughts about getting my Masters in Mental Health Counseling. Is that REALLY want I want to do for the rest of my life? Honestly, I often think that I don't have any idea what I want to do for the rest of my life, so no matter what I studied, I'd probably feel this way. Great!!

~It also feels like completion of this degree is SO far away. After this semester, I will have 2 classes in the Summer and 2 in the Fall. In January 2010 I will begin my Practicum, followed by Internship. Practicum is 300 hours. Internship is 900. Ultimately that takes me to a graduation date of May 2011. It wouldn't have been dragged out so long but they only let students do Practicum in the Spring and they would not allow me to start this year having been out for the past 1.5 years. So all that to say, I'm just frustrated with life in general. Having no money. Feeling unsuccessful. Having no money. Not having a rich husband who provides enough to allow me to just stay home (like everyone else in playgroup). Feeling unsuccessful. Yeah, you get the point.

~At times I think if a job offer came my way (not likely in this economy), I'd be SOOOO tempted to quit school and just go back to work. *sigh*

~I feel very de-valued these days.

~Looks like it'll be a light day @ work today. I had 3 scheduled appointments when I got here and am now down to only 1. This is good news because I am SO not motivated to be here today. I'm in a funk, I guess.

~On the bright side, I'm happy to report that we were able to repair the washing machine ourselves. The part we needed cost $36. Sears was going to charge $214 for parts & labor!!! Of course, there were many frustrations and cuss words along the way, but in the end, it is fully functioning and a lot cleaner. My laundry room is also very clean now that water spilled all over the floor in the repair process.