What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world?
Sadly, the first thing that came to my mind is negativity and bitterness. I feel this is ALL that I am anymore. I'm sure my (few) blog readers are sick of it and well, frankly so am I. Sure I could "change" it right...pretend that my life is wonderful, be fake...like other people do...but sorry, that's not me. I'm not a good liar either. I wasn't always so miserable, but these are the cards I've been dealt over the past few years and I've become a pretty unhappy person because of it...though mostly just when I'm in deep thought or looking/reading other people's blogs...particularly those who are happily married, popping out more babies, staying at home with their kids, having good times with friends...all of the things that I want, but don't have right now and not sure when (if) I ever will. Right now I am stuck, against my will. I am powerless to make a change & likely will be for some time.
I'm certain this lovely way of being is why less and less people read my blog...and at the end of the day, that's really OK. I've kind of gotten away from blogging until this Reverb series, which has been fun, but today is the last day and I'm really not sure when I'll blog again. What's the point anymore? For Ethan to read this in 10 years and think "damn! my mom sure was unhappy!"...well no...so not sure just how much I'll continue with this. I won't delete it (lesson learned previously) as it's always good to look back upon...maybe someday when I'm happy again to see how far I've come and to see that things really did get better.
And sure, you can go ahead and say that there are people out there w/lives worse than mine...that is likely true, but also don't think that my full story (of shit) is posted here...there is much more to it than what I share here (another lesson learned).
So it pretty much sucks that what I feel is at the CORE of me is BITTERNESS which in turn had made me into a majorly negative person.