Tuesday, March 24, 2009

~hindsight is 20/20~

~From time to time, I tend to get caught up in moments (or hours) of thoughts about my past and how I wish I had done many things different, you know, a bunch of "what if" or "I wish I..."statements...probably not the best use of my time, but it still happens. Currently the topic is "what if I had just gone to grad school upon finishing my undergraduate studies?"

I'm stuck on this lately for a couple reasons:

(1) I am NOT enjoying my classes AT ALL, not because of the workload or assignments, but more because I keep second guessing this career path and ultimately I am really not interested or motivated. I even have (passing) thoughts of quitting, but then I know I would regret it later on, plus I need the itty bit of income from my GA position, so in the end...I am stuck and it doesn't feel good!

(2) being away from E for 13 hours, two days in a row is really wearing on me. I miss him. :(

(3) I just wish I had a regular M-F 8-5 job drawing a decent paycheck so I had evenings free to go for walks with E, a steady income to save for a vacation(s), and could look forward to a little shopping on the weekends from time to time. I have NONE of this right now and it makes me nearly hate life.

I'm SO happy there are only 4 wks left in the semester (after this week)...oh AND I'm skipping next Tuesday night's Death & Dying class to take my mom out to dinner for her birthday. Hooray!

~I'm so glad that I'll be free from school during May. I am looking forward to enjoying that time off before Summer term starts in June. Free time is so much richer & enjoyable to me now that it's so limited.

~On a more positive note, for THIS reason, it's probably a good thing I don't live @ the AZ/Mexico border any longer. And probably even more important that I'm not crossing that border to go to work everyday like I did for 2 years. So even though I thought my life was falling apart all around me when I got laid off from that job (way back in 2003), I can see now that it was a blessing in disguise.

~Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, I know I've been whining about this school crap for a while. I'll try to get thru the rest of the semester w/o complaining...a lofty goal.

6 comments:

Maggie May said...

i LOVE your header picture. hello :)
my husband and i joke about Debbie Downer too

~**Dawn**~ said...

YOu know what I find amusingly ironic? You are skipping Death & Dying for your mom's birthday--a celebration of life! LOL

A Soothsayer said...

I understand what you're going through completely. I've thought about going back to school for a doctorate or second master's, but can't stand the though of being away from my 6 month old. Time is precious, I'm sure your degree will be able to help provide you with more time in the long run. Death and Dying was one of my favorite classes in college.

Jen said...

hi! congrats on blog of note. I like your header photo! :)

I posted a post with this exact same title...cool, yes? :) Also, I am taking classes that have seriously disappointed me AND I am a Michigander.

Wow.

philly5113 said...

This is such a familiar story for me. I was in this position some time ago and until I got into a program I had the yearning. Fortunately I made a real connection with a program and course. Eventhough I was working full time, 3 children in school I so so motivated that I went full speed ahead. I got through it. There were tiring times and some impossible days. But you know what? I got through it and looking back I am happy I toughed it out.
Keep on it, look forward to the breaks and other free time and enjoy them when they come. Climb back on the 'horse' until you get to the finish line. You can make it and will be happy that you did.
All the best!

Marevie said...

Girl! I feel your pain on the school thing! Ugh... Sometimes I get so irritated that I fall behind and I never get stuff done. Eeks. I feel you.