Thursday, May 07, 2009

therapy: session 1

~you should have known I couldn't stay away long, after all, blogging IS therapy right? And at this point, I need a truckload of therapy...so consider this my first session...

~so since this is my blog and you all said you don't care about the venting here goes...it's long so grab a chair and a bag of chips....

~i'm going to vent a lot about my husband and for those of you who either (1) don't know much of the history or (2) think I shouldn't throw my husband under the bus...I suggest you stop reading now and move on to the next blog in your reader. You've been warned and I don't need the nasty comments, really I don't. I have enough crap to deal with right now. thankyouverymuch.

~yesterday the Guard called and told O he is now cleared (medically) to go to bootcamp and could leave within a week.

~O's response was that he is sick and tired of everything and no longer had the 'drive' to go. wtf? being in the military has been something he has wanted to do FOREVER and to GIVE UP, QUIT, THROW IT AWAY at this point is absolutely *&^%$ ridiculous. I cannot believe he is making this choice. I really think that I am in shock about it. I'm nearly sick to my stomach.

~I have so many emotions bottled up right now. It is all I can do keep from telling him off - IN A BIG WAY.

~We were really counting on that bonus money to build a savings account, pay off bills and then go to WDW next year. I'm beyond PISSED!!!

~Instead, he will go back to his regular (crappy paying) job on Monday. The company SOLD the truck he was using and right now O is not sure whether he'll be getting a new one or ANYTHING at all. He has NO money to go out and buy a car right now. We have one vehicle, which is MINE and that I need to use. Things just continue to go from bad to worse. They better freakin' give him a truck or I may blow up. I'm not too keen on getting up even earlier than I already do in order to drop him off at work everyday.

~In an effort to keep me calm, O mentioned that he will start saving every month so that we can still go to WDW next year because he knows how badly I want to go. Well, let's do the math....I want to go for 1 week, so let's say 6 nights @ $150 per night (I'm not staying in a dump and I want to stay on Disney property) that comes to $900. Probably average $100 for food per day. Now we are at $1500. I already have a 3 day ticket for O, E would get in free and I think I have 1-2 days left on an old ticket for myself, so we'd need to buy more tickets...approximate cost $500. That brings us to $2000. Honestly, I think this is a very LOW estimate. I think we would drive down, it's about 11-12 hours. I have no idea how much gas that would take but let's say $300 round trip and including food on the road. $2300. We haven't even looked @ Souvenirs or special engagements i.e. Safari, Water Parks, Sea World etc. Let's just round up to $3000 to be safe. That means setting aside $250 each month for the next 12 months. Yeah, that is so NOT going to happen. He's lucky if he has $25 extra each week from his crap-a$$ paycheck.

~By the way, O likes to talk out of his a$$ - at least that is what I'm going to call it and the above scenario is a perfect example. Recently he told me there was a guy who had 5 houses that needed driveways poured. He was going to make $1k each. Stupid me got all excited and guess what - it all fell through-at least for now. I could go on and on with examples, but honestly, all it will do is piss me off. The bottom line is O counts his chickens before they are hatched (AKA empty promises) and I have FINALLY learned to not believe anything before I see it, which is a really shitty way to live, but frankly, I'm sick and tired of being let down.

~I think in an effort to not feel like such a loser O went and rented a carpet shampooer today and did all the carpeted areas in the house as well as the kitchen chairs and both couches. Am I excited? Not really. Normally I would be, but I could give a shit right now. Big effin' deal. I asked him to do this before he left so if he had gone to bootcamp, it wouldn't have gotten done @ all. Whatever!! It's going to take a lot more than that to turn this frown upside down.

~So now we'll just go back to living paycheck to paycheck, which apparently for him is easy to do-he grew up poor, so it's an easier adjustment (that's my logic anyway). I grew up middle class but I also married late in life and held professional jobs with nice salaries to provide a comfortable life for myself. I am not used to living paycheck to paycheck and I effin hate it. This is not what I went to school for nor what I had planned for my life. I had better expectations for myself and my life. Back to the empty promises and no follow through - in the past O told me many times I would be able to stay home when we had kids. Yeah - another seeing is believing because if I didn't have the job I have now, there is no way we would be making our housepayments.

~As for looking for a better paying job. In the past his excuse has always been that he would be leaving for bootcamp and who would hire him knowing that he'd be gone for 5 months. Should be interesting to see what he might use as an excuse now, although I don't think he'll even bother looking for a new job.

~Just for good measure, here is another great example of talking shit..for as long as I can remember, O has said he wants to start his own business. He needs to get his Contractors license first. I have printed everything off the internet that he would need to start the process...do you think he has taken even one step towards obtaining the actual thing? Of course not. Today he says to me "what do you think if I get a loan from the bank and get my Contractors License?" It was difficult, but I tried not to bust a gut laughing. Actually instead of giving my opinion, I told him he would have to go to the bank and find out. He won't do it anyway, so why waste my breath? The original plan was to use some of his bonus money to get the license. I think acquiring more debt is a much better idea...um, no!

~So there you go folks. A few scenarios to show you why I'm @ my wit's end and why O's latest crappy decision is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Too bad I'm not in a better situation right now to make a major change. And in case you couldn't figure it out, I could have really used a 5 month break from him.

~Oh and the little bit of retail therapy that I indulged in today DID NOT HELP me feel better AT ALL. I think I should just go out and buy that damn Canon 12mp Digital SLR. I'm sure that would make me feel ALOT better! Ha!

21 comments:

- Renée - said...

Oh wow.. I feel your frustration

Amy said...

I am the perfect person to follow your blog and read about your man problems..why? Because I believe that men were put on this earth to give us hell. And that is all! So I totally feel your pain. :)

Moonjava said...

Oh dear, I'm so sorry! Vent all you want, that's what this is here for! I can totally understand your frustration! I know this doesn't really help, but I'd like to give you a virtual hug...*HUG*!

Fidgeting Gidget said...

I'm sure nothing anyone says is going to make you feel any better right now. All I can say is that I'm sorry that your world is crashing down around you. Really sorry. I hope you guys can work it out, and if you don't want to or can't, I hope you can find a way to make yourself happy in the long run. I'm thinking of you today and praying for the best.

And I do agree that buying your camera would make you feel better. :)

Chele76 said...

*sigh*

The optimistic, hopeful person in me is wishing that he's just bitter about the delay and will change his mind and go to boot camp ASAP.

Are you going to share your scrapbook finds with us? :) I love looking at that stuff :)

Travel & Dive Girl said...

I feel for your situation and I will say this - I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't stay in a situation if you are unhappy. Life is way too short to live in misery.

Although you think you're not in a situation to make a a major change - now is most likely the best time to do it, especially if you believe in your own ability to make it work.

It may seem like a daunting scenario, but you need to think about your happiness and E's future. How happy will E be when he's growing up in an unhappy household?

My thoughts are with you.
*S*

KekeLynn said...

When it rains, it freakin pours! I know how bad it all sucks. Just keep your chin up, your flask full at all times, and remember you always have us to vent to!!!

You WILL get through it!

foobella said...

Whew, I'm glad I'm divorced and there were no children involved. I feel your pain.

I just have one question and it's probably already been asked before, but, does he know about this blog? I sure hope not. ha.

Krystyn said...

I can see why you are frustrated. I'm sorry there is so much going on.

Kym said...

i can't say i understand cus ive never been in this situation, but i do know that 'this too shall pass'. keep ur head up :)

L. said...

Your points are totally valid (I find men sometimes like to tell us we're irrational or we expect too much). We are here to listen anytime. XOXO

emilysuze said...

What a crappy craptacular situation to be in the middle of right now. Here's hoping that he somehow has a change of heart and you get that bonus and a well deserved break from your sweet pea.

Linda said...

Wow, he sounds like my former (read as EX) husband. A self-sabatouer. I feel your frustration. It gets old fast. Question. Did he really want to go to boot camp?

K said...

Blogging is therapy.

Hope things settle down.

Klay Kisses said...

The weekend is here, get a sitter, grab the wine and let it all go for just one day! Don't forget the chocolate! That is what makes me feel better and what do you have to lose? It's worth a try. I hope all works out.

marathoner81 said...

Deep breath in, deep breath out....I'm sorry you're in such a lousy situation. Hopefully you'll be able in a better situation at some point to make the changes in your live that will make you happy.

Jess's Journal said...

I thought I was the only one with the thoughtless husband... I'm sorry he's causing you so much stress. I hope he changes his mind about going to bootcamp, as it was a dream of his...

Heather said...

i feel your pain...too bad we do not live closer to each other...if we did we could get up and walk out on both our husbands!
3000.00 is a good estimate depending on what you plan to buy for souvineirs if any...we spend around 2000.00 and that was with staying with a friend. 2000.00 covered airare, passes, rental car, and food at the parks.

remember moments said...

A few answers to some questions:
i'm really NOT in a position to make a change, so for now i'm stuck with things the way they are.

yes, he really wanted to go to botcamp.

no, he doesn't know about this blog, nor is he comptuer literate enough to search for it anyway.

can't afford a sitter, will have to put up with husband all weekend.

happy mother's day to me!

Amy said...

I agree with Chele, and hope this is just a temporary response to the frustrations of the stupid Guard people. I can't blame him for that being his initial reaction, but from all that I know about him, I'm afraid that will *stay* his reaction.

In all honesty, you're probably better off if he *doesn't* get his contractors license. Running your own business is hard enough and the payoff doesn't always come quickly, and O just doesn't seem like he has the drive to make it work.

Here's hoping things look up, somehow, or that at least you find some way to manage. At least the weather's nicer so you can get away from him some, right?

AlexyRouse94 said...

I agree it doesn't sound like he has the drive to run his own business. Wow I'm sorry O's giving you so much hell! You need to give him some form of motivation towards Disney...like tell him if you can't go you'll throw him under a STEAM ROLLER instead of a bus :) jk.
You don't have to apologize for venting. It's your blog and your followers are here for you!