Sunday, May 17, 2009
state of severe distress!!!!!!!!!!!
~E cried for nearly 2 hours tonight. At that point O said "aren't you supposed to go in there and soothe him?". Since I'm sick and tired of the stress that O is inflicting upon me and i'm tired of fighting this battle, I went in there and rubbed E's back 'til he fell asleep. It was 10:45pm.
~i'm so distressed over this whole situation, but the part that has me most upset is O and his stupid a$$ reactions and inability to deal with this. he cannot see the big picture. Last Wed i was finally seeing progress in this whole thing and we would have likely been done with this by Friday or Saturday night. Now, who knows what will happen.
~i finally broke down as I was rubbing E's back. definitely not the best place for that to happen but thankfully my tears and sniffling didn't keep him awake.
~to make matters worse, E and I are going to VA this Friday through Sunday and I'm certain the change in location will totally screw with his sleeping arrangements. We'll probably have a couple more crying nights upon our return and that will most certainly not be fun. THEN, the following week is when mom, her husband, E and I are supposed to go to Atlanta - again I anticipate the same issue.
~i'm to the point where i'm wondering what i did that was so awful in life that all these negative things are happening to me.
~i feel like my world is caving in around me. i really feel like there is not a single thing going my way right now. everywhere I turn there is stress. it seems like the entire world is against me. i know this isn't true, but it's how i feel. and then i get caught up in my regrets. past decisions i've made that i am completely regretting now, especially since said decisions were made based on false information provided to me @ the time. yes, that is vague on purpose.
~i've said this before, but i constantly go back to it because I often doubt the accuracy of the statement: they say God only gives you what you can handle. well if that's the case, i'm feeling like i'm at my threshold if not WAY past it. i cannot take anymore. something has got to give.
~going to try to sleep now. not feeling too optimistic about that though.