Sunday, January 23, 2011

pity party episode

So this has been on my mind once the new year hit...I turn 40 this year. That is NOT the reason for the pity party, although it is directly related.

If you've been reading for any time at all, you know that my mom re-married about 5-6 years ago. Anyway, her husband has two children from his previous marriage. A son...about 45ish and a daughter, who just so happens to also turn 40 this year...this month.

I have mixed feelings over this entire pity party scenario because the daughter is a nice person, however we are on such different all areas. In the forefront, she has no kids and is professionally grossly successful. For the past 3ish years I feel that I've been compared to terms of financial success and more recently, physically as she dove headfirst into running a couple of years ago and has ran 2-3 full marathons by now as well as countless other races. I believe she has even registered for a marathon in Greece...

I could go on and on about all that she has and all that I don't have, but that would take main issue for the pity party is that for her 40th birthday, she and her husband went to Hawaii...where they ran a 1/2 marathon together (today) etc. etc. I probably need to HIDE her updates on FB at this point, for self-preservation purposes only.

Oh and the son is also quite well off, so while I'm at the total polar opposite of that, it's embarrassing and humiliating. If my mom helps me w/anything she has to 'hide' it from her husband because in her words "he has never done that for his kids"...well duh...they are rolling in dough, so he's never had to. I responded "yeah, well I'm the loser step-daughter...blah blah blah" to which she responded with that was not what they thought...sorry, hard to believe.

OK - the main issue is that while I know I won't be in HI in August for my 40th birthday...I am pretty certain that the day will pass by like any other and I am somewhat quite a bit upset about that. The only way anything fantastic or extraordinary would happen would be if I planned it myself...O is the biggest failure at gifts and/or surprises. Seriously, I am not talking down about him, it's the full blown truth.  Let me refer you back to the graduation gift scenario. And then there is this past Christmas, where I got nothing.

Anyway, I don't know that there is really an answer to this whole thing, but at least I can get it off my chest a bit. Clearly it's on my mind today (after reading FB updates from Hawaii)...and so I said to O today "Oh "step-sister" went to Hawaii for her 40th, I'll be lucky if we go to McDonalds"...seriously...that is the truth.

I suspect that my 40th birthday will pass by just as the last few have...with a mediocre dinner at a mediocre restaurant as a bunch of uninterested waiters sing happy birthday to me. Oh gee...can't wait.


mikki said...

Well, I would start saving a little now and plan something, anything! It's your 40th and you deserve something special.:) Also tell DH to step it up a bit!
And don't compare yourself to her. She may seem like she's doing well but people will sometimes surprise you.


K13 said...

hard to save when there is truly NOTHING to save...honest.

DH...lost cause.

I'm certain she's doing quite front there.

Amy said...

Well I won't say stop comparing yourself to her or her brother, because I know that you will not stop. And if your mom is truly comparing you then really that is her problem, although I know that you will still take it personally.

Instead, I will say that you should make your own plans for your birthday. Even if it's not as exciting as going to Hawaii - which face it, even if you had the cash to go, probably wouldn't be as fun/relaxing with a three year old - at least it is something you want to do. Since O sucks at it, just do it yourself. When David and I first started dating for my 25th birthday we did whatever I wanted, which included him eating dinner at a 100% vegetarian restaurant, which he hated, and said he hated. But he did it. Just tell O he can't complain. And tell him NOW, so he has months to work on it. =)

K13 said...

Amy-you are's hard NOT to compare myself..especially when mom & her husband return from a visit to CA and talk about how much fun they had, or how wonderful step-sister is...oh and also when step sister sends my mom a better gift than I am able to get her...yeah, talk about feeling like total crap. So while I don't think she directly compares's pretty obvious that I suck and she is fabulous.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I'd really want to do that day..if I'm still here in TN, then school would be back in by then, which hinders things a bit. A trip to ATL would probably be all he/we could manage & travel w/him is not always pleasant. Ideally, I guess a trip to WDW...but chances of that are slim & none. Looks like I'll be at a restaurant...again. *yawn*

Travel & Dive Girl said...

I learned along time ago that if I wanted something special done, I'd have to take care of it myself. I planned my friend's 40th and when it was my turn to turn 40, I got absolutely nothing - not even a friggin phone call. This has happened many, many times. I understand where you're coming from.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I wish I knew what to say. I'm the sort who doesn't pay much mind to my birthday, except to be grateful I have the opportunity. I hate being the center of attention. I detest having the servers at a restaurant sing to me. I'm perfectly content with a low-key "celebration" at home & the well-wishes of those who love me. All that leaves me with a lack of words, I suppose. =(