On this crazy ride called life, things certainly don't always go the way we would like them to and they say that's what makes us "stronger"...well who knows about that part, I think it just makes me more frustrated.
I'm speaking specifically of the actions/words of people around me. Honestly, I feel like I've grown tremendously in the past few years in my "tolerance" of other peoples differences (or faults, if you want to call them that). I get that we are all different and that's what makes the world go around, but ultimately, my tolerance will wear thin on certain days and then I just don't feel so good. Yesterday sort of ended up being a bit like that.
Some of the things I've just come to "accept" (although not always willingly) are:
-co-workers who dump their frustrations on me & then when I open my mouth, they interrupt or "have to go" back to their classroom...no reciprocation of listening. thank you not so much.
-family members who don't put in the level of effort or care that I think they should. Ok, this is vague, so let's just say, I'm tired of seeing my friends parents take the grandkids for the weekend or to dinner or for ice cream after school. This NEVER happens in my life and there are soooo many other scenarios I could list here, but that will only start my blood boiling, so no point in that, it's too early in the morning to feel that way. It makes me tremendously sad for Ethan and I think one day someone else will realize their fault in this and feel bad. Maybe.
-seeing someone I love change in a way I don't love due to influence of someone else in their life. this one is really hard.
-other co-workers who make statements like "it's not about me" and then proceed to talk all about themselves. what? seriously? did you hear yourself?
-family members who think they know all & have no problem telling you so.
-people who say they are going to do "something" and then just don't. Please don't even mention it then. This one gets under my skin. a lot.
-being "sort of" invited to an event...but yet, it doesn't feel like you are really wanted there.
And for the record, I've kept my mouth shut, not saying anything to any of these "offenders" about wishing they did things differently...sometimes I feel like they are walking all over me but most of the time, I'm just able to ignore and move on. I did address a small issue yesterday evening w/one person and did not at all get the response I thought I would. More hurt. It's just better to ignore and move on. I lost some precious hours of sleep because of it and now I'll pay for that today. Ugh.
This long weekend is coming at a perfect time and I cannot wait to detach from "real life", ignore email & text messages and pretend that my life is all sand and sunshine, even if it is only for 3 days. I will be absolutely ecstatic as we head out of town Friday after school, fulfilling my need to "escape" from all the crap of this week (and the last couple as well).
I just hope to feel renewed when we come back.
And I guess the worst part of it all is that because most of this is from the people closest to me, who I would normally "go to" in a time of sadness/frustration/worry...I'm left with no one to go to to "air my thoughts"...because sometimes being heard REALLY IS all we need.