Thursday, February 10, 2011

is it Friday yet?

It hadn't seemed like a long week...until today.
I went to sleep at 9pm-ish last night and woke up ridiculously tired.
What is the deal with that?
I finally got back on the treadmill, but seriously, I only ran 2 miles.
Hardly justifies being SO tired.
It's not only a long week...it's a long day for me today.
After-school tutoring 'til 5pm.
Cutting out at 4:30pm though to go to a counselor meeting.
Will be there 'til about 7pm. *sigh*

I'm still struggling with the loss of my wonderful friend.
Prior to him, I hadn't had someone close to me die in a long time.
Turns out FL has some whacked laws regarding death.
His service has still not been scheduled. 
Tomorrow will be ONE WEEK since he passed.
He donated his eyes...he would be happy about that. 
I'm stuck in the "just want one more day w/him" stage.
And I'm also stuck wishing I had seen him more frequently over the past 10 years.
I hate these feelings. 
Nothing comforts me. Music...nope. Words...nope.
I dug out all the pics I had of him (not too many).
They are hanging on the fridge right now.
Monday I was a wreck (especially at mass).
Tuesday I was numb.
Wednesday I was strong.
Thursday I fell apart.
Today...I just am.

I went 9 days w/o getting an Iced Chai @ Starbucks.
I caved on Tuesday (Ethan's Birthday).
I didn't feel too awful for giving in though.
It was still HUGE progress for me.
I used to go usually every other day. Sometimes more.
I am back on my "Starbucks Ban"
Hoping to last all the way to Easter this time.
My pocketbook will be so happy.

2 comments:

Kimberley said...

So sorry to hear about your friend. And don't beat yourself up about the Iced Chai lol That 2 miles cancels it out don't you know?

Amy said...

One day at a time!

And I know a woman who thought she was entitled to a gift on her son's birthday, for all that she'd gone through to have him (which was, just getting pregnant and delivering him). So you are totally entitled to an iced chai!