Thursday, September 24, 2009
bullet point review of crappy stuff
~Remember these super cute shoes?? Yeah, well, I ordered them in an 8 and they were too small. So then I got an 8.5 and well, they fit length-wise but are too wide!! They gap mid-way thru my foot and aren't made in a narrow fit (which I've NEVER needed before) so I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm just not meant to have them. So sad!! I really really like them! and needed them!
~I've decided to challenge myself to drink ONLY water for ONE entire (painful) week (longer if things go well). That means NO Diet Dr Pepper in the morning and no more Diet Orange at night. It also means NO more Iced Chai (gasp!)....I'm hoping I can pull this off...to bad it's not Lent season. Today is day #2.
~Of course drinking all that water is healthy and since I'm feeling ridiculously UNhealthy, fat & gross lately with my running struggles and my recent not-so-brilliant idea to hop on the scale...well, hopefully the water-drinking will make me feel better.
~As for that dreaded scale...remember when I told you about all the moms who told me once they finished nursing their children completely, the last of their baby-weight just "melted" off....yeah, I'm talking more than 8-10 people told me this and so well, I was sort of banking on that happening for me, especially with all the running I was doing. Well, because either the stars are all aligned against me or someone has cast an "always be fat" spell on me...I've actually GAINED 3-4 lbs in the past couple of weeks!! That is unbelievably wrong in so so so many ways. It certainly doesn't help me stay motivated to keep running. Heck I might as well just lay on the couch every night eating Bon Bons at this point...that's way more fun than running! Oh AND my boobs are smaller, so where in the heck did that weight go...apparently it just relocated to another part of my body. Oh lucky me. If I read about another new mom who just can't get the last 5 lbs off, I think I will scream. I'm dealing with 20(freakin)lbs here people....the same 20 lbs that came off quite easily back in 2005 when I first starting running. How is it that I go from running ZERO miles per week to 12-15 miles per week and STILL don't lose any weight?!?!
~and please please PLEASE don't say "muscle weighs more than fat" - I've heard it 1,000,000,000 or more times and having been an athlete practically since birth, I know that. At this point however, there should have been some weight loss or at the very least some changes in how my clothes are fitting.
~So thanks to both the scale and wearing a pair of khakis last week that I hadn't worn since April only to find that they don't fit ANY better than they did back in April makes for one very depressed person here. I think I may look into having my jaw wired shut, even though I watch pretty closely what goes in, I must be doing something wrong.
~on a slightly brighter spectrum I will be taking part in a FREE Operation Bootcamp workout on Saturday morning. they are offered every Saturday, but I'm not sure if I can go EVERY Saturday or if it's a one-time-freebie thing...I'm thinking it may be a one-time-only deal...too bad I can't afford the $300/MONTH tuition to participate. It would definitely jump start my body into doing something!!
~I seem to have this problem lately of comparing my life to other people's lives. Facebook is the devil in this regard. I should probably just quit visiting that website, but that's not so easy. To me it appears that everyone else in the world is so unbelievably happy & life couldn't be better for them. I also hear it around me so it's not all FB. I'm sorry if this is 'woe is me' sounding but really, can I ever get a break? I'm tired of feeling like my life SUCKS but you know what?...in my eyes it really does. (yes, I know it could be worse, but it's always been better, so i'm simply wishing that things would at least go back to "better"...) no freakin' wonder I never know what day it is, all my days are the same...school/work/home, school/work/home and the weekends are home/walmart OR home/barnes & noble...how UNexciting. I never meet anyone new so I have no friends here. all the people in my counseling program @ school are MUCH younger than me so there's no connections there and well, I have no other social outlets. I'm ready for 2010 (I said that same thing last year about 2009) and hope that it proves to be better....hopefully in my practicum & internship I end up meeting some people closer to my (old) age.