Tuesday, September 15, 2009

stretched way toooooooooo thin

~i'm really confused with my school situation this semester.

~i had 3 classes last semester and only have 2 this semester, yet i feel crazy stretched for time.

~nothing else has changed. i still work 20 hrs per week in my GA position.

~why the freak do I not have enough time for everything i want/need to do?

~well, the only 'addition' to my schedule is the running, but I don't think i can truly say it's taking up *that* much of my (study) time. i typically don't run at times when i could be studying anyway.

~i feel really overwhelmed right now, sort of like i'm drowning, you know, my head is just barely bobbing above water. i can't remember ever feeling this way last semester.

~i started off the semester in a hole too, so that's not helping the situation...by that I mean, I usually go study on Sundays, but I missed the first Sunday because it was my birthday. I only got a few hours in on the 2nd one because that was the day of the mid-day 5K race and the 3rd Sunday was Labor Day Weekend and we went out of town. Last Sunday was truly the 1st Sunday where I went to the bookstore as soon as the opened...but then I didn't get "full" cooperation in the house and I was picked up from the bookstore at 3pm...way sooner than I would have liked.

~E's uncooperative bedtime situation is not helping as it's taking me ALOT longer to get him to sleep which ultimately cuts into the time I use for reading and studying. usually by the time I get him to sleep I'm too tired to stay up and read.

~I'm going to attempt a late night tonight. I would call it an all-nighter but I know that will never happen. In fact, I've never had to do that in my entire collegiate life (thank goodness). I do plan to stay up until at least midnight though. I have an exam/quiz (apparently one in the same, according to the prof anyway) tomorrow night.

~it's also a ridiculously busy week @ work, which is VERY uncommon. I guess Fall semester is busier than Spring. I had 2 events to attend today and my supervisor is heading up a job fair of sorts on Thursday so i'll be consumed with menial tasks associated with that all day Wed and then be working the event after my class on Thursday morning. I don't mind, but it just figures that when I could use a little extra study time, the work load piles up. bad timing.

~oh and then there is a (huge) presentation they want me to give on Oct 7th. i'm SO NOT a fan of giving presentations, especially when it's on material that I do not feel that I am an 'expert' on. i feel like I have to agree to do it though. it would look bad if I don't. but i also don't want to get up there & make an a$$ out of myself. two other GAs were supposed to help me with it, but lucky for them, they have class that conflicts with the presentation schedule....so it's basically been 'dumped' on me. oh joy. maybe RxBambi can send me some Valium. that may be my only chance for getting thru it somewhat successfully. a few slurred words never hurt anyone, right? in this scenario anyway.

~i hope that in 2 weeks or so the load will be lighter as I'll have a few of the assignments that are due later on out of the way....hopefully.

~things sure were a lot easier when i had less responsibilities. I hate that my study time takes away from E because I really miss spending time with him. ultimately, going to school sucks when you have kids. not a day passes that I don't wish I had pursued my master's long ago. hindsight is 20/20. (i say that a lot too).

~in a last ditch effort to cram for my test tomorrow, i went up to B&N tonight with a plan to study for 2 hours. I didn't even last one hour and came home. i felt SO guilty. I guess that's what they call Motherhood.

~my reader is 650+ and well, honestly I don't care. the posts will be there when i have the time, but I have taken a step back from reading blogs & may have to do the same with posting until things calm down for me.

~hasta luego amigas.


Rachel said...

Things will get better! :) Focus on your school right now! :)

emilysuze said...

Oh man, what a crazy semester! Good luck focusing on school and still finding time for E and yourself.

Anonymous said...

Okay well now I know why you haven't been around to comment. I wonder where everybody else. . .

Anyway, sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. I wonder if it's a psychological thing - you thought things would be a bit easier this semester with 2 classes, and so you just don't have the rush to do it all feeling that you had with more classes.

I wish I could help you with the motherhood guilt. I never feel guilty for leaving them, but maybe that's what happens when you have two infants! Although, I never actually leave them, so it's easy to say I don't feel guilty! It'll all fall together for you, it usually does in the school area.

Travel & Dive Girl said...

Keep taking deep breaths and remember, you shouldn't beat yourself up and feel too guilty about school. Ultimately, what you are doing is for the betterment of yourself and E. It may seem impossible now, but you will get there.

April said...

I hope things settle down and get less stressful for you, really soon!!! Big hugs!

M.J. said...

There simply are not enough hours in the day...it's the story of my life.

Optimistic Pessimist said...

Yikes! Good luck getting it all done...i know you can do it!

Cornered said...

I completely understand what you're going through...I'm pretty much in the same boat, sadly because of that I don't have any advice except to tell you what keeps me going. You are an inspiration to E right now, if you can make it through everything else you have on your plate...E can inspire to accomplish the same or more.

We'll be here whenever you get back.

lindsay said...

GOOD LUCK. i have been feeling quite overwhelmed myself lately... being on the road for work all but 2-3 days per month, long commute, long work days... really starts to suck! hope you can find a balance and some downtime to chill out!

~**Dawn**~ said...

You're right. The posts will be there when you get back & we will be here when you do. =)

Anonymous said...

Holy crapola girl. I felt tired just reading this. Good luck with all that jazz.