Tuesday, November 13, 2007

~ball of emotions~

That's me today -a ball of emotions...I can't even decide WHICH emotion either. Warning: this posted ended up being quite whiney....(I'm blaming it on hormones).

We had Session #2 of the Childbirth class last night. The entire 2 hours was spent reviewing the vaginal birth and watching 2 videos: one on the birth and the other on comfort positions during labor. If I wasn't dreading the pain before, I certainly am now. The only funny part was that during the Transition stage of labor (3rd stage), our book says "mother may experience extreme love & hate emotions towards father" - Ha!! I'm sure I'll be cussing O out during the entire stage (if not longer). Did you know that the average labor lasts 17 hours?

Today I had a doc appt...I had the glucose/gestational diabetes test. This involves consuming a bottle of orange syrup-like liquid and then waiting 1 hour for them to take my blood. Here's hoping it comes back OK, otherwise I will have to go back for the 3 hour version of this test. Just the thought of that depressed me.

I made my next appointment. I have to go every 2 wks now. This sort of depressed me too. I wouldn't mind if I was still going to be working from home, or at least working. Going there every 2 wks is going to be a huge inconvenience if I'm working elsewhere...lost hours, lost wages, mileage, etc.

I am (supposed) to have that interview tomorrow morning at 10am. When I spoke w/the lady last Thursday, she said she would follow up by sending me an email with the interview location. I have not rec'd the email yet. There are 2 offices in the particular town she mentioned. I decided to call there today to find out which location. I was able to leave her a voicemail and asked her to confirm the location for me. This was 3 hrs ago and I have not heard back. What if she doesn't call? Do I just show up? I feel like I've been left hanging. Again, this makes me feel really depressed. What if it doesn't pan out?

I have not had any other promising job prospects. I've applied for a few more positions, but the job market here sucks...unless I want to be a Pastor...there are TONS of jobs for Pastors considering I live in the Bible Belt.

I'm also disappointed that I have to remain working at SB indefinitely. Bending over is quite uncomfortable now and being on my feet is no picnic either. I've been really short of breath lately too. I think today I came crashing down from that orange glucose loaded drink because I am sooooooo tired...I took 2 cat naps on the couch, but had to get up when the phone rang.

People have asked me if I can pick up more hours @ SB in the event I don't land another job...well, the answer is "yes" and "no". Everyone is part-time there except the manager. I normally get scheduled for about 25 hrs. I managed to pick up extra hours a couple wks ago, but there's no guarantee of that happening every week and even if it did, the money would not come close to making up for the difference I'm losing from the day job.

Did I mention what a loser I feel like now being in a position where I HAVE TO WORK at Starbucks? My self confidence is in the gutter. It's one thing WANTING TO work there vs. HAVING TO WORK THERE. Two months ago I thought I would be starting my Maternity Leave from there about now.

Considering how tired I am now really bums me out if I end up working outside the home over the next two months. I feel like that's going to be really difficult. I'm anticipating being quite miserable. Then there's the financial piece...I'll have to go buy more maternity clothes for work.

On a daily basis, I find myself worrying about daycare costs, something I wasn't going to need before.

It's pretty hard to be excited about what's to come considering all the crap going on right now. I feel like there is no relief in sight.


Anonymous said...

Have you checked your spam box for an e-mail from the interviewer?

I'm sorry things are bummy right now, hopefully they will turn around. Can't O get a part-time job, so you at least don't have to pick up more hours at Starbucks?

krystyn said...

Amy-yep, checked the spam box...nothing there.

O mentioned getting another job, but then he'll be really, really tired which would put him in danger during his day job-operating machinery (construction etc.) Also, whatever $$ he could make @ a PT job wouldn't make up much difference either, but yes, SOME money is better than NO money, so he still may go do that.

Cathleen said...

I know how frustrating it can be to find at job in an area where the job market sucks, that is how it is here in VA. Hopefully you will hear about your interview soon and everything will work out even better than you had imagined. I wish had something hopeful and inspiring to say but that's not really me and from what I can tell it's probably not you either. Hang in There!

Mary said...

I hear you..I hate uncertainty and not knowing what is going to happen next. I know things will turn out ok for you but have no words of wisdom for you except hang in there. Keep us posted on what happens with tomorrow's interview. I can't imagine that after all of that she will forget about you!?!?!!

~**Dawn**~ said...

That's a lot of stuff to process all at once. It must be very frustrating & overwhelming. I know it would make me want to get into bed & pull the covers over my head.

krystyn said...

Oh I would MUCH RATHER get into bed and pull the sheets up over my head...oh believe me...I'd MUCH RATHER be there, yep, for sure.

I think the string that's holding it all together is about to break should anything else come crumbling down on me.

em said...

some thoughts...

1. that video scares the crap out of me. i plan on closing my eyes the entire time some day when i'm forced to watch it.

2. my friend had to go for the three hour test. she said it sucked. i really hope you don't have to go through that.

3. you being a pastor cracks me up! ;)

4. you are absolutely, 100 percent NOT a loser. got it???? (i'm saying that with a very threatening look on my face...)


krystyn said...

Thanks Em. I will try to remember that, but it's been quite challenging to have positive self-thoughts lately. :-)