Thursday, May 29, 2008

~@ home, day 3~

~I'm really trying to cherish this time @ home with Ethan so why in the back of my mind am I finding that I'm constantly worried about finding another job?????

~What if nothing comes up? The economy stinks -or so the media says- hiring has slowed down in general, although not so much in certain areas...

~I'm starting to think I may end up back @ SBUX working for $7.50/hour serving coffee until something better comes least it was more fun than the hospital and since the shifts are fairly short I wouldn't have the dilemma of needing to pump while @ work. Of course, I didn't go to college to work @ SBUX,but I guess that doesn't matter right now.

~I thought that I wouldn't start really worrying until late next week or so, but I guess I was wrong.

~Lots of folks keep telling me 'something will come up' and as much as I want to believe them, it's a pretty easy statement to make when you're not the person needing a job.

~And then there's those moments when I find myself stuck in the past and feeling angry that I am in this situation all because of a stupid phone call and a promise of a job from a stupid company called LENOVO - I will never buy one of their *&^%$# laptops EVER (they are an IBM spinoff). All because of them, I am left w/o a job and it really pisses me off because if I were still @ my former job I think it would have led to a permanent offer, which is what I've wanted for some time now.

~Last night I even found myself doing the 'coulda-shoulda-woulda' talk...if I still had former job, we COULD HAVE gone on a little family vacation later this year, Mom and I COULD HAVE made the road trip up to Michigan to visit my best friend, Laura, ...not to mention countless other advantages.

~I really wish I could stay out of this rut of 'what-if' thinking...I just can't accept what has happened to me and through no fault of my own...I'm just so upset about it. I guess that I have a feeling of being treated 'unfairly' or something, which never sits well with me - I can't stand when anyone is treated unfairly...I have a big hang up with 'injustice.'

~Unlucky me. Heck, if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck @ all.

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